Don't blow it

Writers: Eimi, Suzee
Date Posted: 17th October 2011

Characters: U'kaiah, D'ale
Description: D'ale urges the bronzerider to take the day off
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 4, day 1 of Turn 6
Notes: Mentions: Kenza, Tavia, Traelyn

D'ale

D'ale sat in U'kaiah's office after their meeting going over
everything so he'd be up to speed if the Wingleader received a message
that Tavia was in labor. He really felt he knew the wing well enough
to take it over for a short period when the other man had to leave.
For the moment he was only going to take the drills for the day while
he went to Dolphin Cove for the day to help Tavia get ready.

Privately he was a bit amused that the bronze rider was so in to this
event. Not that he was any less involved for the births of both of his
children but then it had been a closer relationship with each of them
when the children were born. He looked out at the sky, "Don't you
think you should get going?"

"Hmmm?" U'kaiah asked, sounding a bit distracted as he looked up from
the hide he had picked up to look over once more as he waited for D'ale
to leave. Surprisingly, his Second was still there. The question
registered as he turned to follow his eyes. Shrugging a shoulder he
answered, "I don't know. I actually think it's kind of pointless for me
to go this early. I mean, they're probably well into the evening meal
now. I doubt they'd be happy to open the storerooms for us right now."

D'ale's brows came together. This didn't sound like the enthusiasm
he'd seen just the other day. The man had been all but glowing with
his plans for what he was going to accomplish that day. "Isn't she
expecting you?"

"She knows I have other responsibilities." He had been late before.
With any luck, by the time he got there she'd be asleep and he wouldn't
have to face her.

"Of course she does, but you arranged this in advance. It's the whole
reason we just met." He was genuinely puzzled by the man's attitude.
Finally it dawned on him... "Ok, spill it, what happened?"

"Noting happened," U'kaiah protested. Which was true. Nothing had
actually _happened_. But by the look on his Second's face, he knew he
wasn't going to get out of it that easily. "It's just... Well, Tavia
is starting to make decisions, some really important ones, without me.
And I don't blame her for that in the least," he added quickly. This
was not her fault. "I'm just not there, and I won't be there for most
of the decisions that need to be made. And it just has helped me
realize that my participation is not really necessary. It's sweet that
she's tried to include me, and I have worked hard to be there as much as
I can, but it's just not enough. It's too far. I need to lower my
expectations of just how much of a father I can be to this child, and
maybe so does she."

Of all the mind healer babble he'd ever heard. What was he trying to
do? Talk himself out of his baby's life?

"Wait," he said waiving his hands and shaking his head. "The woman
_always_ makes decisions like that and would even if she were right
here in your weyr. It's the way they're made. Do you think I had a
great deal of input in K'ale's future at the time of his birth?" He
chuckled. "Do you honestly think that Kenza would _let_ me?"

"The father's influence comes later, if you don't make her mad at you
first. Faranth U'kaiah," he said. "You're lucky man she wants you and
she needs you right now, but you're going to fulfill your own worst
forecast if you don't get your butt over there right now!"

U'kaiah smiled a little at the thought of Kenza giving control to
anyone. And D'ale might be right about Tavia just acting like a woman.
Maybe he was wrong in thinking that being partners in a relationship
didn't always mean being equals, but there was still a gnawing doubt in
his mind. "D'ale, this isn't like it was for you and Kenza. You were
both together in the same Weyr. Tavia and I are not. I already have a
son here that I have to work to see, and Aileyan's son, and my Wing.
Getting over to Dolphin Cove just to see Tavia is hard enough, but to
see a child enough to be a real part of their life? There will be
plenty of chances for them to have a father figure there. It's just too
far."

It sounded like wherry headed crap to him but there were just some
things you shouldn't say to your boss no matter how close your
friendship was. But he crossed his arms.

"Look," he said. "I gave up my job and went to Riverbluff for a chance
to be part of Lesora and Dalora's life. It didn't work out the way I'd
hoped but at least I _tried_." He shook his head before the other man
could think him broken headed. "Oh, I'm not saying that's what you
should do, but if you _want_ to be a part of Tavia's life and your
child's you can't just give up before you give it a chance!"

"But that's just it, D'ale, you could _go_ to be with them. I cannot.
That choice is not open to me." And even if it were, he wasn't so sure
that he'd take it. Dragonsfall was his home. "I've tried having a
relationship in Dolphin Cove before, and it ended badly. I don't know
that I can put myself through that again so soon."

"If you're talking about Traelyn she was as stuck as you are. This
isn't same thing U'kaiah. She's carrying _your_ child. Do you love
her? Is that what this is about? You don't want to allow yourself to
get close enough to her to get hurt again, so you're just going to cut
her off and your child with her... because of something _another_
woman did. Thats just.... " he wasn't going to say it. "Just..." not
going to say it. "Just..." aww shardit. "It's stupid!"

Had it been anyone other than D'ale, U'kaiah probably would have taken
some cheap shot and then kicked the man out of his office. But he
really did value the man's opinion. He opened his mouth slightly to
make at least some kind of protest, but he couldn't think of anything to
say that didn't sound whiny. **It's not _stupid_...** he thought with a
slight sulk. "I don't love her," was all he could think so say. But
after a moment added, "But I think I could."

"Then don't cut your nose off to spite your face." In a much softer
tone he added. "Go see her U'kaiah. Help her get ready for your baby."

U'kaiah's forehead furrowed slightly, considering D'ale's words. They
were probably the same words he would have said had their situation been
reversed. But advice was easier given than received. Especially when
it was his own heart and his own pride on the line. Finally he
shrugged, trying to act as though it were no big deal. "Yeah, sure.
Why not. Live in the moment, right?"

D'ale just shook his head. "We both know you don't have a great track
record with relationships. They're all but impossible for
dragonriders. But you have a good thing right now, don't blow it
because you think something _might_ happen. If you do that you'll
never be able to know what really _could_ happen."

After a long silent moment, U'kaiah nodded. He knew D'ale was right.
He would never know what could be with Tavia until he at least gave it a
try. His relationships always ended badly in the end, and yet, there
wasn't one he regretted. He had said as much to Aileyan not so long
ago. And as much as he had promised her that his relationships with
others didn't affect his feelings for her, he had to remember that it
worked both ways. So Tavia had other lovers. And maybe those lovers
were something special to her. She could very well fall in love with a
man at Dolphin Cove, weyrmate him, make the kind of life with him
U'kaiah could not offer. But that didn't necessarily mean that what
they had now would not carry over in some form or another. He could not
guess the future. Now might be all they had, but did he really want to
waste such a good thing?

"I guess I better get going, then," he said, setting his hides aside.
"Thank you, D'ale. I needed someone to tell me I was being a sharding
fool." And there weren't many people he could take it from.

"I promise I won't do it often," he said with a small smile and
clapped the other man on the back.

Last updated on the October 27th 2011

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Don't blow it