What Could Have Been

Writers: Eimi, Suzee
Date Posted: 31st July 2011

Characters: U'kaiah, D'ale
Description: Concerns weigh on the bronzeriders mind
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 20 of Turn 6

D'ale

U'kaiah sat across from his Second, sipping his beer thoughtfully.
"D'ale, has a woman ever told you that she went /between/ with your
baby?"

"Yes," he said looking at U'kaiah quickly. "She didn't just term did
she? I thought you said..."

"Oh no, no," the bronzerider quickly assured him. Thank Faranth,
everything was fine with their baby so far. "No, it was turns ago, but
she just told me."

"Oh good," he said relaxing. "It isn't so easy when that happens.
Sometimes when you wonder what might have been." He still remembered
back then, he'd been pretty young at the time.

"It's not like I haven't known girls have gone /between/ before.
Shards, I've taken a couple myself." And he certainly didn't judge
those girls for doing so. "It's just... Maybe it's how I feel about
Tavia now, or maybe the fact that she's pregnant, I'm not sure, but I
keep thinking that she and I could have a little one right now. And
this one could have been our second."

D'ale smiled a bit of a sad smile. "That's the hardest part... what
_could_ have been." He shook his head. He understood how it felt. He
remembered when Kenza had told him she was expecting and how their son
was a brownrider. "So, how old would it have been now?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe around a turn and a half?" He couldn't remember
exactly when his first meeting with Tavia had been. While it had been a
pleasant evening, it wouldn't have been especially memorable considering
how many one-night encounters he'd had if it weren't for the fact that
Trae had gotten so mad at him afterwards. "The thing is, I know it was
the right thing to do. She barely knew me. It would have changed
_everything_. I'm not one to dwell on things past. But the last few
days... I don't know, I just can't stop wondering if it was a boy or a
girl. Or if it would have had my eyes or her eyes."

He could see his friend taking the news a bit harder than he'd
thought. He knew the thoughts that swirled in his mind refusing to
just settle and go away. "I know. Those thoughts still come at random
times and it's been 15 turns. That's why I tried so hard with Lesora."
He shrugged.

15 turns, and it still doesn't go away. "I think she felt like she was
keeping this big, shameful secret from me, but the truth is, I wish she
hadn't told me. Sometimes there is peace to be found in ignorance."

"I'll drink to that one," D'ale said lifting his beer then taking a
great big swig. He hefted the empty to signal for another. "You want
another one?"

"Yeah," U'kaiah nodded and then followed suit. "Nothing is like what I
thought it would be. I liked fooling around with Tavia. It was fun.
It was new. But now... I don't know, D'ale. I just really like her.
A lot. And I think I have the baby to thank for that."

"Now _that,_ my friend is a very good thing." Something similar had
happened to him with Kenza early in his life. "If you're lucky, it can
be a life-long friendship. We don't get the chance at those very
often."

"No, we don't," his friend agreed thoughtfully. And U'kaiah had been
lucky enough to find two such important people. "Sometimes life is just
so good, it almost makes you wonder what's going to go wrong. I guess
you can only just appreciate each day as they come, eh?"

"Yes," D'ale said thoughtfully. "Yes we do." He tried not to dwell on
K'ale's training and how fraught with danger it was. Kenza and his son
had grown into a strong young man. He was very proud of him and his
lifemate. "Things can go wrong at any time. Not just when they're
going so well. We just notice them more. So don't borrow trouble from
the future. It will be here soon enough."

"And I'll drink to that," U'kaiah agreed before taking a large swig. It
was no use thinking about what could potentially happen. It took too
much time away from appreciating all he had. Just like it was no use
thinking about what might have been. After all, if he and Tavia had
formed an attachment more than a turn ago, would he have had Trae?
Would he have Aileyan now? He liked the way his life turned out. And
yet, the questions still just crept up out of nowhere. "I think we need
a couple girls to drink with, D'ale. You know, to share our happiness
with."

D'ale grinned. "I like to share happiness!" He leered at a nearby
group of greenriders and giggles erupted. Several of the girls started
whispering and looking over at their table. "How many do you want?"

"As many as I can get," the bronzerider said with a challenging tilt of
his his head.

D'ale looked back at the ladies and smiled again motioning them to
come over and join their table. He reached out and pulled a chair from
nearby and 3 of the greenriders answered his invitation.

"Hello!" he welcomed them warmly. "That's U'kaiah and I'm D'ale."

Last updated on the August 3rd 2011

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What Could Have Been