Trying To Be Better

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 6th June 2011

Characters: Wirnan, Kaya
Description: Kaya's not home when Wirnan gets home and he finds her in a familiar place.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 2, day 9 of Turn 6

Wirnan

Kaya had made sure to have breakfast ready the next
morning. SHe was still a little jumpy. Still a little fearful. She
wavered back and forth between guilt and trying to justify what she had
done. The scare he had given her had worn on but only a little. Wirnan
had shown he could change.

She didn't want him to. She had felt safe doing this to him just
because he had been so kind. That he seemed like he would the sort
never to raise a hand to a woman. Obviously she had been wrong. And
now, was she doing this out of guilt or out of fear? Perhaps it was a
little of both.

She had kept her speaking to a minimum, bid him a good day, then spent
the day doing her wifely duties. She had promised she would do that
long before the argument, but now she couldn't help but find there was
an edge on it.

**Stop it.** She told herself. **This isn't like you!**

But it hadn't been like Wirnan either.

She wasn't there when Wirnan finally made his way to their quarters.
Things were neat, spic and span. Fresh laundry had been placed in the
proper drawers and cabinets. Some mending had been done and hung - but
Kaya had made her way out and to the tower that Wirnan had showed her
on the night they met. She stood there, staring out over the view it
afforded, arms hugging her chest.

He was surprised when he returned home to find her not about. Normally
she was here, almost expecting him. As he closed to the door to their
quarters, he shoved a hand through his hair with a sigh. Things had
been a bit better yesterday, but he was still struggling with what had
transpired between them, what he could have, almost had done.

He picked up a hide he'd been reading in the evenings and settled into a
chair, expecting her to return from whatever errand she must be one. As
the candlemark passed, however, Wirnan found himself all but staring at
the door. This was _very_ unusual for her. He waited a bit longer, but
then he couldn't stand it any longer. Rising, he grabbed his jacket and
moved out of their rooms.

After asking around a bit, he finally found a drudge who'd thought she's
seen where Kaya had gone. He was walking through those corridors now,
checking for her. He stood before the door that led out to the tower
balcony he so loved. **Might she have come here?** He wondered. Pushing
the door open he stepped out to see.

Kaya had been thinking. A lot. Thinking heavily and she was so lost in
those thoughts that whirled around that she didn't hear the soft creak
of the wood as it was opened, nor the hushed step of the man as he came
out to the tower. Her eyes were fastened upon the horizon, in the
direction of a hold she had once thought she would eventually call
home. But it would never be her home - and the man who would have made
it home was gone.

"There you are," he said quietly as he stepped up onto the balcony.
"Everything okay?" He asked. Wirnan almost felt the urge to hold his
breath, waiting for, almost expecting her to turn around and lay into
him for what had happened. She hadn't yesterday, but he knew sooner or
later, she just _had_ to. He had crossed a line, almost and he was
finding it hard, even still, to forgive himself.

She jumped and Kaya's hands flew out to grasp at the wall that kept her
from tumbling over the side. One hand then lifted to press against her
breast, as if trying to still a frantic heart. "Wirnan." She was
still jumpy, still unable to forget the expression on his face, the way
he had lifted his hand...and yet she wanted to forgive. He had been
sorry, something her father had _never_ been. And he hadn't actually
_struck_ her...but that response was so ingrained..."I...didn't see you
come."

He hated the glimmer of fear and uncertainty he'd seen in her eyes
before she'd managed to mask it. "I didn't mean to disturb you. I just
was...concerned. I can leave if you would like,"

"Only if you wish." Kaya turned back to the view, hands dancing along
the wall. "I just...wanted to look out for a while. I didn't plan to
be out so late." She had lost track of the time, so distracted she had
been. "I guess...it's dinner time now."

"Aye, it is," he replied, not sure what to do with himself. "If you
want to stay out here longer, I can bring you food and a cloak as the
night air will cool."

Already it had gotten chillier and as if in response to Wirnan's
warning, Kaya shivered. "No. That's all right. I...we should go
eat." She turned, skirts flickering around her ankles, then made her
way to the door.

He'd seen something that made him note the chill. Pulling off his own
jacket, he slipped it over her shoulders. "Are you sure you're okay?" He
asked. He wanted her to say yes, but he worried that she would in fact
say no. Then what was he to do? Get down on his knees and beg her
forgiveness? Wirnan wasn't sure even that would be enough to make up
for what he could have done.

"It's all right, really." Kaya shrugged out of his jacket and danced
away. "It's warmer inside. We should just go have dinner." She was
uncertain. She wanted to forgive him, but for some reason she felt...she
felt...uncertain. Tremulous. She was _trying_ to be better. She
didn't want him to regress into that monstrous form that she had seen a
peek of. She didn't ever want to see that expression, that look in his
eyes, ever again. She didn't want to change him - not into that. "I
am rather hungry."

He sighed when she slipped out of his jacket. It would take much more
than that before she could forgive him. With a heavy heart, Wirnan
walked beside her, leading her to the dining hall where they would
share their meal. The chords of uncertainty ringing between them both
as they tried to recover from what had nearly driven them asunder.

Last updated on the July 6th 2011

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