Of Sorrow And Slumber

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 26th April 2011

Characters: Wirnan, Kaya
Description: The past and desires haunt, but Wirnan and Kaya do not share them with one another.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 1, day 21 of Turn 6

Wirnan

Kaya spent the next day keeping busy. She hadn't known when Wirnan returned
exactly, just that she had awoken and heard the shufflings of his movements.
She had briefly cast a look toward the door, but then she had fallen back
into slumber and he'd been gone by the time she'd awoken. Her sobs and
cries had gone on for who knew how long and it had been late before she
finally crawled into bed and just cried herself to sleep. She was still in
her clothes, even her shoes hadn't been removed. So when she finally
managed to pull herself out of bed, the first thing she did was bathe and
change.

But she didn't talk much. She had little dealings with people, spending
most of her day cleaning, picking up items for the rooms, embroidering, and
finally drawing. Unfortunately, she found herself drawing someone who no
longer existed. From the page, Ristin's eyes gazed up at her. She could
remember those eyes better than anything else. She could remember how they
looked when he gazed down at her. She could remember the love that was held
within them. A far cry from her current situation. Her hand had moved over
the parchment and when she finally stopped, she stared down at the picture.
Then she began to cry again.

It wasn't right. Something wasn't right about the picture. It wasn't quite Ristin that gazed back at her from that page. Something was wrong. The curve of his jaw, the angle of his ear. She couldn't figure out what it was. His eyes, they were the same, those smoldering orbs that had captivated her, but the rest of him...it was off some how.

She had forgotten. She had forgotten! How could she forget him? She had known his face so well. She had drawn it countless times while he was gone, almost every day, just so she could remember. Just so she could remember! And now she had forgotten!

It had set her off again and Kaya had to put away her parchment and her
drawing and sat back down on the couch, sniffling, wiping her nose with a
handkerchief and alternating between episodes of small, soft sniffs and all
out crying. She was tired. Weary. Even though she had slept, it hadn't
been an easy sleep and before Kaya quite realised what was happening, she
had fallen back into slumber, the couch catching her in its embrace.

He'd spent many candlemarks out gazing at the stars, allowing the tears of
his past to course down his cheeks. By the time he'd returned, he didn't
know if he would even be able to sleep. Yet as soon as his head had hit the
couch, he'd slept. As the morning dawned, however, he knew he was not ready
to deal with seeing her, or worse yet, her being able to see through him.
Dressing quietly, he'd gone to his office early. As the day wore on, he'd
kept mostly to himself, working on tasks that didn't require interaction. By
mid afternoon, he could barely hold his head up, let alone keep his eyes
open. He finally let the rest of his staff know he was taking an early leave
and headed back to his room.

As he stood outside, his hand hovering over the knob, he wondered what he
would find. He pushed the door open. His eyes falling on her sleeping form.
She looked so at peace, yet so sad. It tore at his heart. He closed the door
quietly and slipped into the bedchamber. When he emerged he sat down some
distance from her, trying to occupy his mind with other things, yet it
constantly drifted back to her, just as his eyes did.

Kaya stirred, her sleep restless once again. Her face scrunched into a
wince as something passed through her thoughts, sifting through her dreams.
Her heart was troubled and it affected her even when her body and mind
tried to escape. A moment later she settled down, but there was a sheen of
moisture veiled by those long, dark eyelashes.

He watched her, concern, sorrow, and so many other emotions written on his
face. Maybe he should leave her to rest in peace, maybe he should...his own
thoughts slipped away. In a matter of moments the exhaustion of last night
seeped into his body. Wirnan slumped in the chair, dozing.

She stirred again, then slowly her eyes opened. The moisture coalesced and
a tear trickled down her cheek. Kaya reached up to wipe it away and then
sat, only to start and practically fall off the couch, startled at the sight
of a figure in the chair. But it was just Wirnan and she relaxed, then
frowned. What time was it? Upon checking, it was too early for him to be
home but an hour more. So why had he come?

He was tired. That much Kaya could see and she sighed softly, reaching up
to rub at her eyes. If he was so tired to come home early, she would not
awaken him. She lifted her gaze and rest it upon him. Her mouth twisted and
her eyes burned, tears threatening again. Another breath was taken, deep
and slow, let out carefully. Then she turned and made her way into the
bedroom. From within the wardrobe, she pulled a light blanket, then back
out to the main room. She stood there a moment, holding on to the corners,
watching his chest rise and fall. Then carefully she put the blanket over
him, trying not to awaken him.

He stirred. His hand reached out and gently circled her wrist. "Kaya?" He
asked, the question holding the concern he felt for her as well as the
unanswered questions from the night before. Yet it was all he could find the
words to say.

She froze at his touch, eyes lifting to fall upon his face. Kaya didn't try
to pull away, his hold on her gentle and unassuming. "Yes?" She whispered,
unable to say more than that single syllable.

He dropped her hand, uncertain what he wanted to say. "Are you alright?" He
finally managed to ask, knowing she was upset by their conversation last
night. He would keep his own thoughts to himself. This union might have been
forced upon them, but he didn't need to weigh her down with his own
troubles as well. He would see that she was safe and well cared for, but
that didn't mean he would open himself up, burden her with his own sadness
and sorrow.

There was the smallest flicker of a smile, though the light did not catch in
her eyes. "I'm fine." She half whispered, still bent over, not moving as
she gazed at him. Her hand hovered over where she had placed the blanket,
picking at the fabric in an absent manner. "And...you?"

"I'm fine," he echoed her words as well, though he felt as though his heart
was still in pieces. Any dream he might have had for his life seemed to have
shattered into a million pieces. "I'm sorry I upset you."

"You...you didn't." It wasn't his fault. He didn't know. Not that he
needed to know. They were her memories, her sorrows. Kaya didn't want to
share Ristin with him. Ristin was hers. Would always be hers, even though
he was gone. She clung to that past as much as she possibly could, trying
to keep it from fading. "I'm just...it's just..." She trailed off, unable
to finish without fully explaining herself and she just couldn't do that.

He waved his hand to stop her. "You don't have to say anymore. I
understand." Perhaps more than he wanted to. She would never have children.
He would never have children. He knew it wasn't her fault, but he felt part
of himself slipping away at the thought of what would never be. His eyes
drooped. The sadness he couldn't quite shake seeming to settle in his heart.
He wouldn't burden her with his past. It wouldn't change their present or
their future. "I'm going to rest," he murmured, his eyes starting to close
once again.

Kaya straightened and nodded. She bit her lip and opened her mouth to say
something, then closed it. If he didn't want to get up so he could actually
lie down, she wouldn't press him. She stepped back, then turned to head
over to the door. She'd...go take a walk. Take some time to herself and
leave so that he wouldn't be disturbed by her. She could do with some air.

Last updated on the April 29th 2011

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Of Sorrow And Slumber