I Want My Daughter

Writers: Eimi, Suzee
Date Posted: 1st December 2010

Characters: D'ale, Lesora
Description: D'ale visits RBW to see his daughter and something more on his mind.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 11, day 28 of Turn 5

D'ale

After his last visit to his daughter D'ale had been thinking a lot.
His son was about to stand and while they'd been close before he left
to go to Dolphin Cove, there was a coolness now, a separation he was
hard pressed to explain.

Dalora was only three and he would miss absolutely everything in her
life if he allowed it. He wasn't certain what Lesora's reaction would
be but D'ale wanted... well he wanted his daughter.

He arrived at the door to her quarters and lifted his hand to knock.

"Come in!" Lesora called, wrestling with folding a rather long sheet.

He pushed the door open "Lesora?" he smiled.

Setting the now folded sheet down on top of the pile, she stood up
straight and faced him, her face neutral, though a brow arched in
surprise. This was unexpected. "D'ale? What brings you here?"

"I just came for a visit to see my daughter." he kept his expression
pleasant. "Is she here?"

Well, it was bound to happen eventually, Lesora thought as she pulled
the basket off of the sofa. "No, she's not. She's at her foster
mothers."

"Foster mother?" that came out a little more strongly than he'd
intended. "I thought you were going to keep her care." he said a bit
puzzled.

"Yeah? Well, I thought you were always going to be by my side. Things
change when reality sets in." Her tone did not hide the betrayal she
still felt about his leaving her and their small daughter.

He felt deflated, "Well, turns out 'always' is a long time." he said
wearily. "Look Lesora," he held up his hands. "I'm sorry for the
things that I said that upset you. I don't want to fight, I just want
to see my daughter, when will she be back?"

She set the basket on the floor and used the excuse of piling her newly
folded sheets into it so she didn't have to look him in the face while
she wrestled with a mixture of feelings. Anger. Bitterness. Mostly
frustration. Not because of the end of their relationship, but because
of a much more painful truth. One she considered for the briefest
moments of hiding from him. It would be so easy to make up some excuse.
But how long was she could she really keep up such a ruse? And then
he'd know she lied, and that would be an even greater shame. Just what
had he expected? She had never been as strong as he was! Never as
patient. Never as calm. Never as good. She was a failure.

Lesora gave the basket a frustrated kick, sending it skidding across the
floor. "I couldn't do it, all right!"

He eyes opened wide, "What? Why..." he hadn't expected that at all
"But I always thought you were a good mother." Suddenly he felt guilty
for leaving it all on her. One bad decision after another and it was
all at his own feet. Well, he wasn't going to allow Dalora to suffer
for it. "I don't want to make this worse for any of us, but I have to
ask. Have you been visiting her?"

"Of course I have!" she snapped, angry that he would even suggest that
she would not, and even more furious with herself that there were days
when even that contact with her child felt more like a chore than
precious moments. But what could he expect from her? Putting in a full
day for the Headwoman and then coming home exhausted, only to have to
pull herself up off the couch, and instead of a nice long soak, or a
read of her book, moments laughing and relaxing with her friends, she
had to trudge down the corridors to sit on the floor and pretend to be
excited about the stupid block tower the girl had just built! It just
never _stopped_!

"Alright" he said trying to placate . "I'm sorry I asked. I didn't
mean anything by it." he took a deep breath. She was still an
incredibly beautiful woman even when she was angry. He wouldn't be a
man if he didn't desire... **bad idea, bad idea** he told himself. Not
that he didn't think about it now and then. But he shook himself
mentally. There was a reason he'd come.

"I would like to take her back with me for a visit if that's ok." he
said.

Was it really her decision any more? Lesora still maintained rights to
her daughter, but she was not the one the little girl would come to
regard as her 'real' mother. Shrugging helplessly she said, "It's fine
by me, but you'll have to ask her foster mother."

So much could change in just a few weeks.He wondered if Dalora would
run to him like she used to or be angry at his absence. "Well I don't
understand why you didn't send for me if you needed to give her up."
He would have come if he'd known it had gone this far and he was
fairly certain Lesora knew that. "Nevermind," he said. "Water under
the bridge. Why don't you just take me to her." He bottled up his
frustration as best he could.

"Give her up?!" Lesora snapped. That one hit a little too close to
home. "I never gave up on my daughter, D'ale. I was the one given up
on by _you_! You gave up on _both_ of us, and you ran away with your
tail tucked between your legs and _left_ me with nothing and no one to
help me! How _dare_ you say that _I_ gave up!"

"I never gave up on Dalora" he spit back at her. She was twisting
things again to suit her own world view. "Yes I _did_ give up on you.
_I_ was the one doing all the work around here." His eyes spit fire at
her. "What? Did you think this was the hold and I'd have to take care
of you forever while you sat around making babies." He turned away and
ran his fingers through his hair trying to regain his calm. "I _just_
want to see Dalora, nothing else."

"I did _nothing_? I _worked_ during the day! I was out there helping
to keep this whole this sharding Weyr together while you were out
playing with your dragon and your friends! Sure, you'd take time for
the baby, but as soon as _I_ needed a little attention, off you went!"
A fact that had made her more than a little jealous, which was no way
for a woman to feel about her child.

He thought he was going to explode, how did she do this to him, he'd
never been able to figure it out. "Playing? _Playing_?" he realized
he was nearly yelling and he hated when he lost control like that. "I
was fighting the sharding Thread Lesora. Hello? Dragon rider?" he
paced back and forth trying to control his rising anger. Suddenly
there was a roar from somewhere nearby }:Mine!:{

He stopped in mid pace and turned to look at her. **I am ok, just
fighting with Lesora again** he heard the grumbling unhappiness of his
big brown lifemate. "I want Dalora." he said in evenly spaced and calm
words. "I want her full time from now on."

"Fine!" she snapped. "You never wanted _me_ anyway!"

D'ale's hand stroked over his mouth to try and hide his surprise.
"You're wrong 'Sora," he said her pet name softly **I _did_ want you
or I would never have tried so long,** he thought. He stepped away
from the door and waived her toward it. "Shall we?"

Did he really expect that she'd just stand there and watch as he took
her daughter away from her? She knew it was the right thing. She
certainly had failed in her attempt at being a mother. But how could
she bare to see it all play out with her own eyes? Lesora walked over
to the basket and planting it on her hip she walked back towards her
bedroom. "Go yourself. I'm sick of looking at you."

"Did you really think that through or just toss out the first thing
that crossed your mind?" he ask "You seriously want me to go to the
headwoman by myself to justify my request? Maybe you'd like to
reconsider that one." He crossed his arms and stared at her.

"Why? Why would I do that?" The basket again was tossed aside as she
turned to face him. "You've made up your mind, and I know full well
once you've made up your mind there is little I can do to stop you. You
just want to parade me around and stand me up in front of the Weyr,
point your finger accusingly and make them aware of all my flaws and all
my failings. You'll flash your charming smile and convince everyone
that I'm the unfit mother who isn't worth a pile of tunnelsnake turds
while you look like the heroic father swooping in on his dragon to
rescue his long lost daughter from my evil clutches, and make them all
forget that you were the one who left her in the _first_ place! Why
would I ever give you that satisfaction? I said you can have her! Now
take her and go, and leave me alone!"

"Because!" he said "I _don't_ want to do it that way. I _want_ you to
save face. Yes I want her but you're her mother and I wouldn't take
that away from you. Is that so hard to believe?" She was right about
how he got once he made a decision but he didn't want to vilify her in
her own Weyr.

"If _you_ tell the foster mother I can have her then we don't have to
involve the headwoman at all. Just send her the report that it's done.
Shards Lesora!" Faranth knew he wanted to put his fist through
something.

"But you _are_ taking it away from me!" Shards, he had always been just
so sharding frustrating! He said one thing and did another. He said he
wanted her, but he avoided her. He said he loved her, but he left her.
She couldn't believe anything that came from his lips anymore. "Just
go. Take her and go. I'll sign whatever I have to sign. I can't win
against you. I never could. Just go. You won. I lost. You have
_everything_ now. Just leave me alone!"

He didn't say another word, it wouldn't matter anyway. D'ale turned
and left closing the door gently behind him. Sadness filled the place
in his soul that once had held such hope for a life with the beautiful
woman inside.

Last updated on the January 21st 2011

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I Want My Daughter