Defenseless

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 8th November 2010

Characters: Erassa, Corowal
Description: Erassa needs Corowal's comfort after a family visit goes horribly wrong
Location: Emerald Falls Hold
Date: month 11, day 7 of Turn 5

Thankfully, Beleran was already asleep. Erassa just had to hold it
together long enough to put him down in his crib. She bit her lip hard,
fighting the whimpering sound that she could feel was threatening to
escape. **Just get him down first, you sharding baby,** she chided
herself, her vision already blurring as she pushed open the door.
Though his sweet face usually brought her comfort, today even that could
not take the sting from her heart. She quickly brushed away a tear that
had fallen on his cheek before she turned and escaped their little room
for the open space of the Lord Holder's living area.

The family was out, as she knew they would be. They were supposed to be
gone all day on a little outing of their own. It was a beautiful
restday, one made to be enjoyed. Erassa, too, had made plans. It was
her father's surprise birth day celebration. A happy occasion. The
family gathered from far and wide. But there were two problems that
Erassa had not foreseen - the first was her uncle was given the task of
keeping her father occupied while preparations were made. He took his
brother to his favorite spot, the tavern, and her father never could
hold his drink. The second key to the disaster that was to follow was
that there was nowhere for her father to escape from his scandalized
daughter this time. He had to sit at the same table with her and her
son. Uleres had to look at them both, really look at them, for the
first time in over a turn. And he made it quite clear to the entire
family what he saw.

A whore. A bastard child. A disappointment. A shame on him and his
house.

Erassa slumped down on the sofa, tears streaming down her face as she
remembered the look in his eye when he glared at the child in the high
chair. The child that should have been his joy in older turns. The
_should_ have been, if he would only have let him. But instead of
looking on his grandchild with love, he looked at him with disgust.
"Get that Weyr-whore and her Weyr-bastard out of my home and send her
back to her Lord Holder lover! She is not welcome here, do you hear
me?!"

And no one rose to defend her. No one spoke up in her defense. No one
joined in on his rant and there were looks of pity, to be
sure. Silent shaking of heads that he would say such impolite things.
Only her mother shed a tear, but she was too afraid to speak a word
against her husband on her daughter's behalf. And so Erassa had fled
with her son, back to the safety of their borrowed home where she could
cry in peace.

Cradling her face in her hand, that was just what she did as wave after
wave of grief washed over here. She couldn't hold back the sobs, she
couldn't let the tears merely fall silently as she often did at night.
The dam had broken and the water had been released like a raging
torrent, and she could only allow herself to be carried along for the
painful ride.

Corowal returned to fetch Corolia a warmer coat. The weather was
chillier than it had looked from inside. He couldn't possibly miss
Erassa. It was supposed to be her day off and she was crying.
"Erassa?" he asked.

She couldn't hear him. The only sounds she could hear were those of her
shuddering breaths as her fathers hateful words rang in her ears.

"Erassa!" he repeated her name, louder. She was obviously too wrapped up
in her sorrow to pay attention to the world. He strode across the room.
Crouched down in front of her and took her face to his hands, "You were
supposed to spend a day with your family."

That got her attention. "Corowal," she wailed, throwing her arms around
his neck out of desperation. Erassa felt like she was drowning in
sadness, and he was her only anchor at that moment. It didn't matter
that he was married, that it was inappropriate, that it was weakness.

"There, there. What the shells has happened?" Corowal murmured and
asked, patting her back like she was a small child.

"My father hates me," she moaned, squeezing him even tighter to her.
Deep down, childishly, she needed this man to save her from the hurt,
and in that moment she believed he could do it. She had to or she would
give in utterly to the despair.

"He's a wherry's arse," Corowal said softly.

Burying her face in his neck she could barely more than whisper, "He
called me a whore and Beleran a bastard. He never wants to see me
again."

"Oh, poor you, " Corowal just said with soothing voice. It was very
harsh thing to say someone.

She just clung to him until the waves past. The embarrassment followed
as she pulled back slightly, knowing her face was a red, puffy mess and
his tunic now cared a large wet spot. "I'm so sorry," she whispered,
not looking him in the eye.

"That's all right," Corowal said. He needed to change before he went
back outside, he would catch a cold in wet clothes.

"Please don't tell anyone..." Not that he would, but she had been
humiliated enough for one day.

"Of course I won't, " Corowal said, pulling a back bit now that she
seemed to have calmed down.

She looked deep into the space that was created between them. Following
his lead, she leaned back, uncurling her fingers from his tunic. Still
her voice broke as she whispered, "I knew he was disappointed in me. I
knew he hadn't forgiven me. But I always thought he'd love me."

"A father should always love his child no matter what she does," Corowal
agreed with her.

"He's ashamed of me. The whole family is. I could see it in their
eyes." Except her mother. The image of the torn look on her face would
haunt her for a long time. Erassa covered her face once more as she
felt a sharp stab of guilt. She put that look on her mother's face, not
by choice, but just by being. "What am I still doing here? I should
have never come back here."

"You're looking after my children," Corowal replied. **And I would love
to look after you, if you only let me.**

"Any number of women could have done that," she said, shaking her head.
It was still _his_ family, not hers. And at any moment, he could turn
on her too.

"Maybe," Corowal shrugged, "but would they have your charm?"

Erassa looked at him for a moment before snorting in slight amusement.
"Charm. You call _this_ charm?" she asked, pointing at her
tear-streaked, swollen cheeks.

"Yes, I call it charm, it's more than just how you look, it's what's
inside," Corowal replied.

"That's sweet of you to say," she said softly, reaching out curl her
fingers in his tunic once more. "But I don't feel like there's much
inside right now."

Corowal patted her hands. "You're just having a bad moment."

Erassa looked back down at the cold floor. He was trying to help, but
it wasn't that simple. "Corowal, my family just told me that they are
ashamed of me and want nothing more to do with me. I think this is more
than a moment."

"Okay, more then," Corowal was bit loss of words. What can you really
say after something like that?

"I'm just so tired," she murmured, leaning her head forward once more to
rest on his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing deeply.

"You have day off, go and take a nap with your son," Corowal suggested.

"I will." She nodded, wanting nothing more than to sleep. For a long,
long time. And maybe when she woke up, she would find this day had
never happened. But first she needed a bit more reassurance. Pulling
back to look him in the eye, almost pleadingly she whispered, "Corowal,
do you still love me?"

"Yes, I do. My feelings for you haven't changed," Corowal whispered
back.

Erassa sighed in relief as she leaned her forehead gently against his.
It was good to know _someone_ did. "Thank you," she murmured softly
before sitting up straight. "I think I can sleep now."

"Sleep well," he said and planted a little kiss to her nosetip.

She touched his cheek gratefully with her fingertips, and allowed the to
linger as she stood up, brushing across as she walked wearily towards
her bedroom and the welcome sleep she hoped that would come.

Corowal watched after her for few moments and then went to get Corolia's
jacket.

Last updated on the November 20th 2010

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Defenseless