A Conversation to Think About

Writers: Dawn, Eimi
Date Posted: 27th March 2010

Characters: Fellana, Almonteo
Description: Fellana meets with the Hallmaster
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 8, day 20 of Turn 5

Almonteo

The Hallmaster was looking at the stack of recommendations in front of
him. The masters were keeping him up to date on who they felt were
getting close to being moved up to journeyman. There were even a few
females! A couple girls had walked the tables, but it was still rare
enough to grab Almonteo's attention.

He had decided to meet with some of the students, just to feel out their
readiness for moving up. Being a journeyman required more than just the
necessary skills, but also the maturity to handle the responsibilities
which came along with the knots. A schedule had been drawn up, and that
morning he had met with a few of the young men. Looking at his
calendar, it looked like one of the female apprentices would be knocking
on his door any moment. He was still perusing her file when the
anticipated knock came.

"Enter!" he called, flipping it closed.

Fellana entered the room, closing the door behind her. "Master
Almonteo," she said, her voice smooth and well modulated, "you wished
to speak with me sir?"

"Yes, I did," the Hallmaster smiled as he indicated that she should sit
across from him. "I am just speaking with a few of the Senior
Apprentices to see how they feel their studies are going."

She sat in the indicated place and gave the Hall Master a dazzling
smile. "Thank you, sir." She folded her hands in her lap and
considered the question. "I feel my studies are going very well, sir,
although I simply cannot grasp the concept of composing original works
of my own. I'm sure my composition instuctor will tell you just how
miserable I am at it, though I try my hardest, sir."

Her file had said as much. "I do not doubt that," he assured her.
"What else do you have trouble with?"

"Not much other than that, sir. I was raised by my Uncle Felknal, who
has always supported my dream of being a harper. He's taught me
everything he could for as long as I can remember." Fellana paused
briefly. "I have perfect recall on everything I read and can tell you
about the details on a map or picture I've only seen once. These
things help me immensely in my studies, sir."

"Well, yes, but all of that I already know," he tapped the top of her
file. "My question was, what do you have trouble with?"

"Sir, to be honest, I have trouble with those who don't think that
women should be here at the Harper Hall," she sighed softly. "I have
trouble keeping my tongue still when I know it's better to keep my
mouth shut and let comments and actions pass. I feel rather strongly
that everyone, regardless of sex or social status should be allowed
the same opportunities, sir."

The Hallmaster nodded. "I think anyone who has strong feelings about an
issue will have trouble staying silent when their view is challenged.
But how do you handle those situations?"

"I try to ignore them, but when I must speak, I do my best to speak
rationally and diplomatically, while reminding myself that it isn't
always apparent why they have the views they do. I try to simply state
fact and not act overemotional, as I know that would just add fuel to
the fire." She blushed a little, though she didn't look away from his
gaze. "I do have to admit that I am not always able to do so, though I
am getting better."

Almonteo smiled encouragingly. "What else gives you trouble?"

Fellana tried not to squirm in her seat as she thought about the
question. "Well, sir, I have a difficult time staying in my seat for
extended periods of time. Most of the time the material is simply
boring because I already know it, but sometimes it's like the outside
world is calling to me."

"I think most students feel the same way." He knew he had trouble
sitting through boring lectures sometimes! "And how do you overcome
that problem? How do you manage to keep yourself in your seat?"

"Well, it depends on what the problem is, sir. If the material is
boring because I know it already, I will do different thing while
keeping an ear open to the lecture. I'll sometimes draw or take an old
ballad, song, or teaching tune and put my own spin on it." Several
times she'd almost been caught when she'd started humming in the
middle of class. She really had to watch herself when she did that.
"But when the outside world is calling me and I need the information
being given to me, I simply stay in my seat by force of will, sir. I
force myself to stay there, take notes, and participate in class. It's
not always easy though." Many times as a child, she'd gotten in heaps
of trouble for leaving her seat or finding excuses to leave the
classroom. There had even been a time or two she'd pulled pranks on
the other children or the harper.

"Fair enough. So in your studies, besides composition, what do you have
trouble with?"

"Not much, sir, only that there are times I feel that I am not
challenged enough."

That was not quite the answer the Hallmaster was looking for. "You say
'not much'. So there are little things, I imagine. I have some
difficulty picking out a good piece of leather for a drum head. What
gives you trouble?"

"It takes me longer than most to make pipes, sir, but I do get the job
done. Perhaps the finished product is not as fine as it could be, but
they pass inspection." She moistened her lips quickly before
continuing. "I also have a hard time making harps, but as with pipes,
while I eventually do manage to get them correctly strung, it can take
me as much as three to four times longer to make them than the other
apprentices."

"Good," the Hallmaster nodded approvingly. This was more what he wanted
to hear. "Anything else?"

His response baffled her. How could it be 'good' to not be able to
craft the tools of her trade as well as she should. She blinked at him
for a moment in confused silence before responding. "Sir, if I may
ask, how is it that it's 'good' that I struggle with making the
essential tools of my trade?"

"Your record, Fellana, is quite impressive. It seems you do many things
very well. Many things seem to come easy to you." He picked up the
folder once more and thumbed through it. "Your instructors have a lot
of praise for you, despite your difficulties with composition. Over
all, you are one of the top in almost all your classes. You mention how
much you already know, and the things you excel at. But I want to see
that you can acknowledge those small things which give you difficulty."
Almonteo set her folder aside once more and folded his fingers on top of
it. "The truth is, I've seen many a student like you. It's easy for
students who excel to focus on all they do well, and become complacent
about the things they do just well enough. You should have faults and
failures, Fellana. You always will. We all have them. You may never
make a harp as fast as your classmates, but I don't want to see you stop
trying to get better at it. The desire to constantly strive to improve
yourself is a harper's most important tool of the trade. Do you
understand?"

She nodded, it now made sense to her. "I do see what you are saying,
Master Almonteo. I promise you that I will never stop striving to
better myself. It... bothers me that I don't succeed in every area of
my craft. I _know_ that no one is perfect, but the better I am, the
less those who disagree with women in crafts will have to say about
me. The fact that my compositions are atrocious galls me and makes me
want to scream, sir, to be truthful, but I will continue to work at it
until I get it right if it takes me my entire life."

"And do you think that if you become perfect at everything, those close
minded people will respect you?" The Hallmaster shook his head. "You
will always find someone who will disapprove of you. The reason, in
your case, is just a bit more obvious. You won't be perfect, nor should
you be. Perfection is boring."

"So I should always try to improve myself but not too much."

Not quite. "No, you should always try to improve yourself. I am not
afraid that you will ever achieve perfection. But perfection does not
lead to universal respect. Don't pin all your hopes on that."

"I won't, Master. And I will think on everything you've said to me.
You know, you're pretty smart."

His eyebrow arched slightly as a small smile curled the corner of his
lips. Coming from her, he suspected, that was high praise. "Thank you.
Perhaps that's why I'm Hallmaster. Thank you for coming to talk to
me."

She blushed a bit, realizing how that must have sounded. "Thank _you_
for taking time out of your busy schedule to check up on me, sir. As I
said, I promise I'll think on all of your words and do my best to put
them to use in my life."

"I'm glad to hear that." Though if she was like most young people, this
conversation would be quickly forgotten. He hoped that would not be the
case, though. "You may go now."

"Thank you, Master Almonteo." She dipped her head to him and exited
the room, vowing to herself not to forget their conversation. His
words made sense and gave her a new way of looking at things. Being
female in a mostly male craft, she needed every advantage she could
get.

Last updated on the May 3rd 2010

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