On Your Own

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 19th April 2010

Characters: N'mor, U'kaiah
Description: N'mor seek's U'kaiah's advice, again.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 28 of Turn 5

This time N'mor didn't ran to U'kaiah straight away, no, he waited until
restday and proper visiting time. Besides, he need to see his mother and
sister too. Meanwhile, he stayed inside his weyr as much as possible,
sulking.

U'kaiah was rather surprised that N'mor would be visiting so soon, but
not unpleasantly so. "Good timing," the Wingleader grinned as he ran a
towel through his hair. "You've caught me between waterball practice
and picking up my son. Do you want a drink?"

"Drink would be good," N'mor said with a lopsided smile that didn't
reach his eyes.

"All right," U'kaiah's smile didn't falter, but he certainly noticed all
wasn't quite right. He knew N'mor well enough by now. "I'll have to
stick to juice, but I have some good stuff in here too. How strong do
you want it?"

"Strongest you got," the facade was starting to break up.

U'kaiah's hand stilled over a bottle. Now he knew something was wrong.
He pulled out the whiskey instead and grabbed two glasses. One drink
wouldn't hurt. "So, how are things?"

"Well, good and bad," N'mor said.

"I like good." At least there was something positive! "How bad is the
bad?"

N'mor groaned. "Did anyone pull anything humiliating on you when you
graduated to the fighting wing?" he asked.

U'kaiah was only slightly surprised at the question. He chuckled at the
memory of his own first month in the wings. "Of course they did!
Shards, N'mor, I wish I could have warned you, but then you would have
only been suspicious of everyone and everything." Besides, if you knew
it was coming, you'd be prepared and then what fun would that be! "What
did they do to you?"

N'mor told him all about it. "I mean, normally, I wouldn't reacted so
strongly to it, but after what happened earlier in this month... It was
just too much," he sighed.

"Well, they wouldn't have known about that," U'kaiah pointed out. "The
greenrider in the closet is a classic, but it only works on hold-bred
boys. A weyr-bred boy isn't nearly so shy about the idea. And being
embarrassed is the whole point."

"I know. I got pile of manure under my bed when I was promoted to senior
apprentice, " N'mor said.

U'kaiah snorted. "I like the Weyr's way of initiating new bronzeriders
much better." But there was good reasons behind the Weyrs hazing. "So,
you didn't react well, did you."

"No, I didn't," N'mor hung his head and took a large swallow from the
drink.

The older bronzerider wondered just how much of what had happened the
boy understood. "Do you know why they played a trick on you?"

"Because I'm young and gullible?" N'mor suggested bitterly.

"No. Well, a little," U'kaiah admitted reluctantly. "That's usually
why they do that kind of thing. But that's not what happened here. You
see, you're a _bronze_rider. That means you could some day be their
Wingleader, even their Weyrleader. They know it, and _you_ must also
realize that. They're humiliating you to keep you humble. If you turn
too proud, they will always be able to pull out that greenrider in the
closet to take a little wind out of your sails. But also it's their
chance to take your measure. Their strongest impression of you to date
is based on your reaction to their little stunt. Can you face
humiliation and still earn their respect?"

N'mor groaned. Now that was the side he hadn't thought of. "Obviously
not," he said.

"Well, it's not unsalvagable," U'kaiah assured him. "You _can_ turn
this around. You can't take away your initial reaction, but you can
show them that you've manned up."

"Maybe after ten Turns or so," N'mor grumbled. "The good thing is that
Ked took part in gold flight," he cheered up a bit when he remember that
experience.

"You'll never catch a gold if you don't start acting like a
bronzerider," U'kaiah said firmly. It wasn't that he wanted to be hard
on the boy, but he really did have to understand what being a
bronzerider _meant_. "Are you just going to give up that easily? Are
you content to just accept that you failed your first test?"

"I'm not sure what I should be doing? Act like nothing happened?"
N'mor's brow's wrinkled up. This was all so new to him.

"No, I think you need to act, N'mor. You need to show them that you get
the joke now. That you can not only accept what they did, but that you
can willingly participate." That, after all, was one of the most
important lessons a bronzerider needed to learn - to be able to laugh at
himself.

"How?" N'mor asked, just staring the older bronzerider.

"The whole reason that joke worked was because they knew you were
holdbred. They knew you probably had issues with male greenriders.
Therefore, the best thing you can do, is wait until the dinning hall is
crowded, walk straight up to that greenrider and give him a big kiss
right on the lips." U'kaiah was sure that if he could do that and still
hold his head high, it would go a long way towards mending their opinion
of him. "Stop being the joke, and let yourself be part of it."

"Uh-huh," N'mor groaned. "I would rather give him a punch on a nose."

"Listen, you may find that they're not that bad. I'm good friends with
many of those that did _me_ in when I was first in the wings." And it
wasn't as if U'kaiah hadn't enjoyed his own turn being the instigator.

"I...think about it," that was all he could promise now. Perhaps later,
when time had passed and the humiliation wasn't so fresh on his mind.

"Well, N'mor, you have a choice. You can either hide in a corner and
hope it goes away with time, or you can face this thing head on. I
guess it's the choice every bronzerider has to make for themself."

N'mor nodded, that much was clear to him. U'kaiah could only give him
advice, rest was up to him.

Last updated on the April 20th 2010

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On Your Own