Not prepared for it

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 29th March 2010

Characters: N'mor, U'kaiah
Description: N'mor comes to U'kaiah for some fatherly advice
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 8 of Turn 5
Notes: Follows: "There is a first times for everything"

N'mor's hands were still shaking, when he asked Kedvencth to speak to
Kalamath and ask if he could talk to his rider. He desperately needed a
father figure, someone male and more experienced to talk to, who could
advice him. Since his father's death, U'kaiah had become that figure to
him.

}:Kedvencth's must speak with you,;{ Kalamath faithfully relayed, but
added, }:I have never heard him to be so upset.:{

**Of course,** U'kaiah said, his brow furrowing with concern as he set
his gitar aside. **Tell him to come.**

It didn't take N'mor long to fly to Dragonsfall Weyr. Ked complained a
bit, since he would had rather stayed curled up with the green. When
N'mor slid down to U'kaiah's ledge, his eyes had a wild look.

"You, son, look like you need a drink." U'kaiah put an arm around the
boy's shoulder and guided him into the room. "Do you want to tell me
what's happened? It's not your sister, is it?"

"No. Ked just won his first mating flight," N'mor said.

Usually that was cause for celebration. Something surely did not go
according to plan, U'kaiah thought as he sat him down on the sofa.
"Talk while I get you a drink."

"The green has a male rider. I think I hurt him. He was crying," N'mor
told him.

"Oh, Faranth," the older bronzerider sighed. Better make it a strong
drink he thought as his hand skipped the wine in favor of the whiskey.
"Do you know him?"

"Not really, although I've seen him around as a weyrling. He's about my
age," N'mor said.

"Drink this. Two hands" U'kaiah had noticed the way his hands were
shaking as he reached out. "That wasn't _his_ first Flight, was it?"

"I don't know," N'mor admitted and tried not to spill the liquid when he
took the glass to his lips. He take a careful swallow. It burned his
throat when it ran down. He noticed warmth that started to spread from
his belly, easing his shaking and making him relax.

U'kaiah crossed his arm over his chest and really looked at N'mor. "Are
_you_ all right?"

"Well...not really," N'mor hung his head.

As he sat down next to the young man, he said gently, "You were born in
a Hold, I remember."

N'mor nodded. "I knew of it of course, they told about it to us during
the Weyrling Training. But hearing about it doesn't prepare to the
actual reality. The dragonlust when you won... I didn't care if it was
tunnelsnake."

U'kaiah put a fatherly hand on his shoulder. "And that's the way it's
supposed to be, N'mor. I've done it plenty of times. It doesn't make
me less of a man, now does it?"

" S'pose so," N'mor murmured into the glass. "But why was he so upset
afterwards? Did I do something wrong? Did it hurt?" He winced at the
thought.

"Well, what was your reaction when you woke up next to him?" The
Wingleader could imagine it wasn't a good one.

"Disgust," the young man looked embarrassed.

"Did he see that?"

"Probably," N'mor wasn't sure.

"Well, that might be part of why he's upset." Especially if the other
boy was having trouble with his sexuality himself. Sometimes even boys
who knew their feelings wanted to deny them because of the way he had
been brought up. U'kaiah just could not understand how anyone could
make someone feel inferior for something so natural! "I think you need
to talk to someone, N'mor. About the boy, and also about how you feel."

N'mor nodded again. "I'm not exactly proud of myself over it."

"I know. It was a shock. And you weren't ready." U'kaiah's hand
squeezed his shoulder in understanding. "You have to find a way to
forget all that hidebound crackdust you were taught out there. That
man's a human being, same as you are. He enjoys sex the same you do.
He likes it a different way, that's all, and it's not his fault. When
you think about it, sex is a messy business no matter if it's a man or a
woman. What makes it beautiful is the way it makes you feel. If you
wake up next to man after a Flight, and you feel good and he feels good,
well what's wrong with that? Doesn't make you less of a man in any
way."

N'mor listened and nodded. "Nothing. I should look him up and
apologize," he said finally.

"I think so. But be careful. There are some young green and blue
riders that have as much trouble accepting sleeping with a man as you
do. You might want to talk with an experienced green or bluerider who
can help him." No one should have to hate themselves for who they were.
If that was the case, they needed help sooner rather than later.

"I was thinking our Weyrlingmaster's Third," N'mor said.

U'kaiah nodded encouragingly. "I think you should tell him what
happened. This boy may need some real help."

N'mor nodded again. It seemed to be only way he could react right now.
Just listening U'kaiah was helping him. He wasn't alone with his
problems.

The older bronzerider could only hope that he could take his words to
heart and come to terms with the fact that from time to time, he would
be having sex with men. It was just part of being a dragonrider. "Do
you want another drink?"

"Only if you want me to fell asleep on your coutch," N'mor said. Now
that shock and tension was easing, exhaustion was settling in.

"Do you want to rest a while?" The boy really did look wiped out.
U'kaiah worried about him.

"I really should go back to Dolphin Cove," N'mor replied.

"All right. If you need me, you know where to find me." U'kaiah hoped
N'mor knew he was welcome any time.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you," N'mor said and got heavily up.

"Find yourself a girl. That always makes me feel better after a
Flight." This time U'kaiah give his shoulder a little playful punch.

N'mor managed a weak smile, although last thing he wanted just now what
_that_.

Last updated on the April 20th 2010

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Not prepared for it