I Don't Believe in Soul Mates

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 21st October 2009

Characters: Erassa, Corowal
Description: Erassa and Corowal have a private discussion about love and soulmates.
Location: Emerald Falls Hold
Date: month 5, day 15 of Turn 5

Erassa could hardly believe she was doing this, but she had managed to find a time in which she could see Corowal _alone_. Usually she had avoided such meetings, but this time... Well, she had something she really needed to do. "Excuse me, sir, but may I speak with you for a moment?" she asked, peeking her head into the Lord Holder's office.

"Of course you can. I hope nothing is amiss?" Corowal's first thought was that it had something to do with the children.

"No, my Lord. The children are just fine." Shards, why was her heart beating so fast? This should come as naturally as breathing, and yet she could feel nervous fluttering in her stomach. "I wanted to speak with you a moment on my own behalf, if it is all right."

"Sure, I have nothing pressing going on. Take a seat please," Corowal replied and gestured her in.

She stepped closer, though she made no move to sit. "Really it's nothing. I just... Well, I felt I should thank you for the kindness you have shown me this past month."

"Don't bother, I do consider you part of the family," Corowal replied and shrugged it off. Of course, what exactly was her position in his family, was bit unclear, especially to him. For the children, she was their surrogate mother. Felyna hadn't been long enough in their life to have that kind of affection the children had for Erassa. Although Corowal did have feeling that his wife was going to try to wrestle the children's affections for herself.

Erassa looked down at her hands to hide her sudden feeling of vulnerability. Being a welcome part of a family, _any_ family, touched her. She too didn't know exactly where she fit, and knew all too well that Felyna had changed everything. Erassa feared for her tenuous hold in the children's lives. She depended fully on the Lord Holder's kindness, and no matter the reasons behind it, he _had_ been kind. "Still," she said softly, raising her eyes to his, "it is not only for my birthday that I must thank you. You were very... supportive of me when the news of..." Shards, why was it still so hard to say? "Of B'lion's death came. That was beyond..." She shook her head, her words suddenly failing her.

"I do know how it feels to lose a loved one," Corowal said softly. "You were a great help when Ofelia died and I wanted to repay for that," he continued.

**A loved one...** Was B'lion really a loved one any more? Or just a bitter-sweet memory? Had she ever been a loved one to him? She wasn't sure any more. And she would never know now. "I suppose I always thought," she said looking down at the desk that stood between them, "that someday he would come back for us. It was a silly notion, wasn't it. I never considered myself a silly girl before."

"We all have our silly notions," Corowal said. Like when he had the silly notion that Erassa would come to his bed by just snapping his fingers. She had proved more resistant than that and more intriguing.

"I've apparently had several," she confessed. It was strange, and yet comforting, just how easily the words were flowing out of her. They were words she had said to herself in the dark, but somehow saying them out loud eased the coil of tension in the pit of her stomach. "I know people assume I was just some stupid, selfish harlot for running off with him in the first place. My father, for sure, believes so. But I really did believe he loved me. And I believed we were meant to always be together. And yet now I believe that I was never meant to be B'lion's true love. But, perhaps, I was always meant to be Beleran's mother. Do you think that is just another silly notion?"

"No, that doesn't sound silly at all. Love can come and go, yet some people seem to be destined to be together, while others drift apart. Life toys with us and turns our plans up side down. Ofelia for instance, in her I found love and a soulmate. Yet, when I first met her, I was only interested in her because she was Lord Holder's relative."

Well, that was not so surprising, Erassa thought ungenerously. But she knew Corowal had probably been less than faithful to his first wife. He fell so easily into women's beds, it seemed. It was surprising that she had meant so much to him. But would a soul mate really hurt the one they loved if they were so perfectly suited to each other? She had believed B'lion had been her destiny once. Reality obviously did not agree. "I don't believe in soul mates anymore."

"That is sad," Corowal said.

"I am not so lucky in love as you, it seems," she said, shrugging a shoulder with quiet acceptance. "I'm sure the Lady Felyne believes in soul mates as you do."

"I can't speak for her behalf," Corowal said cautiously. He wasn't so sure she believed in soul mates, more likely to the rank and position and appearances.

Faranth, Erassa hoped the new Lady Holder wouldn't prove to be Corowal's perfect fit. For if she was, what chance would Erassa have to stay a part of their household for more than a few months? "Do you think it's possible to find two soul mates in your lifetime?"

"I don't know," Corowal replied. He wondered where this discussion was getting at.

"I hope it is, for your sake, sir. I've come to accept the fact that I missed my chance." She folded her hands in front of her, trying to muster an appearance of dignity and resignation that she did not quite feel. "I'm sorry, I have taken up too much of your time. I only wanted to say thank you for your kindness towards me."

"You're welcome, Erassa," Corowal replied. He had to admit that whole this discussion puzzled him.

"Forgive me for disturbing you. I will see you at dinner." She gave him a polite curtsy before showing herself to the door.

Corowal was left to stare the closed door after her, deep in thought. He had a foot tall pile of correspondence to be replied, but it took him almost quarter candlemark before he moved.

Last updated on the November 3rd 2009

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I Don't Believe in Soul Mates