Be Yourself

Writers: Eimi, Emma
Date Posted: 10th May 2009

Characters: J'nev, Teseada
Description: Teseada finds her half-brother serving out another punishment
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 21 of Turn 5

Teseada

It was a rest day, and yet there he was hunched over a toilet with a
brush in hand. Just how many toilets could one Weyr _have_? J'nev
sighed as he stood up to his full height once more and walked out of the
stall, throwing the brush down into the bucket with disgust. He
probably never would have told that weyrlingmaster assitant that he rode
an overgrown flying tunnel snake if he knew he'd take it so sharding
personally!

The door opened behind him with a groan. "Sorry, this toilet's closed
for cleaning."

"But," began Teseada. Then she put a name to the voice as she realised
who had said those words.

"Shards," he whispered, shaking his head at the absurd irony that _she_
should be the one to walk into this toilet at this particular time.
"You're not with _him_ are you?"

"Father? No." The goldrider was a little puzzled, who had he expected
her to be with.

"Good," he said, feeling his tension ease a bit. His father was the
last person he wanted to see him cleaning out the toilets. "I didn't
think you would be, but if you were I just might end up throwing my
brush at him."

"I don't think I'll be speaking to him for a long time to come."

"You haven't talked to him at all since that day?" J'nev was surprised.
He would have thought that since she was part of his Weyr family she
would be thrown together with D'nev on a regular basis.

"No, Mama and I agreed, he doesn't deserve our company."

The bronzerider felt the faintest hint of pity for the man, which he
quickly squashed. "Well... You're lucky. T'mahl decided to try to get
us to make up. I wasn't about to, though."

"I don't blame you, not at all," his sister said. "He effectively didn't
speak to either of us about the other for turns, so why should we speak
to him?"

"Yeah. I don't even want to think about him any more." Though seeing
her made it almost impossible not to. "If you really need to use the
toilet I can leave for you, just don't tell the weyrling staff."

"I just wanted to wash my hands, they got a little sticky. Someone split
some juice..."

"Oh well," he kicked his bucket and sent it skidding across the floor
towards the far end of the stall, "be my guest."

"I won't tell anyone about this," she said as she ran some water into a
basin. "Cleaning toilets, nobody needs to know."

J'nev snorted. "Everybody knows. It was pretty... public."

"Dare I ask?" she said as she rubbed some soap sand over her hands?

"I called a Weyrlingmaster assistant's dragon a 'giant blue wherry' and
him the wherry's ass, among other things." J'nev shrugged. "He
deserved it though."

Teseada couldn't help it; she laughed. "I think I know who that is, and
he probably does deserve it. He has a bit of an 'attitude'."

"Yeah, he just couldn't help but try to pick on me for being removed as
a group leader, so I showed him that just because he has an extra set of
knots on his shoulder, doesn't make him better than anyone." Certainly
not him!

The being removed as a group leader was more serious though, although
most would try the bronze and brown riders first as they were more
likely to end up in responsible positions later on. And it didn't mean
much really
during weyrlinghood. But clearly J'nev had taken it personally. "If you
think it was deliberate, you should speak to the Weyrlingmaster or the
'second."

He shrugged. "It was E'naer who removed me."

"You'll work it out. A bronze wouldn't have chosen you if you can't deal
with this."

"I'm not looking to be Weyrleader. Not even a Wingleader." Truth was,
he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Sometimes these things choose you." That was experience talking. "I
never thought a gold would do more than walk right past me to someone
smarter, or prettier...."

"All I ever wanted to be was to be like my dad, and now.... Well, I
don't ever want to be like him." It left him completely without
direction, without a guide, and without the best friend he thought he
ever could have hoped for. "Now I just don't know what I want to be."

"Be yourself," Teseada told him as she rinsed her hands.

It sounded like harper dribble, the bronzerider thought as he walked
back over to his bucket and picked up his brush. Shards if he knew who
he was anymore. Once he had been Jianev, an apprentice technician with
dreams of being a heroic dragonrider like his father. But now he didn't
have his father, his craft, or even his own name, and all the heroic
fantasies had been dashed by the reality that even dragonriders were
merely humans. He didn't know who this J'nev was, and if he were
honest, he wasn't sure he really wanted to be him at all.

Last updated on the May 24th 2009

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