Nothing Will Ever Be the Same

Writers: Ainsley, AL
Date Posted: 23rd January 2009

Characters: Nimroy, Benani
Description: Nimroy and Benani console one another following Benaroy's death
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 1, day 8 of Turn 5
Notes: Mentioned: Benaroy, Benaran, Royan, Zathris
Mentor Approved

Benani

"Nim?" Benani couldn't disguise the tremor in her voice as she came
looking for her brother. Of all the others, he was the one she was
closest too. She had already spent the better part of a candlemark
crying in the arms of her husband. Unfortunately, Zathris has been
called away. He had duties to perform, as much as he would have
preferred to have stayed with his wife. She had told him to go, and he
did so, looking bedraggled and torn, weary and devastated as if it were
his own father who had died, not hers. He had liked Benaroy, a
lot. She knew he grieved as much as she did.

Benani hadn't wanted to be alone so she went in search of someone else,
someone she felt comfortable crying around. Nimroy....surely they
wouldn't drag him away. They might Zathris, not realising how much he
had honoured and even loved the Lord Holder, feelings that most
probably didn't even realise he held. Surely they would give Nimroy
room to grieve. Or, perhaps, she was being selfish. Should all of the
work that needed to be done be left unattended because of her grief and
her desire to have someone who understood with her?

Taking one look at his sister, Nimroy kicked himself for not seeking her
out immediately. Saying nothing he enveloped her in his arms and held
her tight. This is exactly what he needed. This helped to fill the
void and emptiness like nothing else. From the time she was born,
Nimroy had adored her, though as an eleven-turn-old boy he would rather
have died a thousand deaths than admit as much.

His embrace lifted the dam that was holding back the tears. As she had
done with her husband, so she did with him, heaving, crying,
sobbing. She had calmed down considerably by the time Zathris had
left, but it had been more to encourage him to go do his duty and make
him feel better about doing so. She clutched at her brother as if he
were the only thing keeping her from drowning. Guilt welled up to join
the grief, guilt that she should have sought him out, spent more time,
forced him to take it easier. But he was gone and there was nothing
she could do to change that.

Nimroy fought the constriction in this throat as he held his sister
letting her cry out her grief and feeling a certain release through her
tears. She had such a very big heart and she had loved Benaroy so
much. "Do you have any idea, what it meant to him? To have you home
again? Especially with Royani gone? I assure you, your very presence
added joy to his final days and undoubtedly extended them."

Did it? She hoped so. Nimroy seemed to know just what Benani was
thinking, feeling, his words soothing the guilt that was trying its
hardest to overwhelm her. She managed to calm down a bit, her eyes
still wet, but she turned a tiny smile upon him as she wiped at her
eyes. "I was just hoping...I just...I wish..." She wished he hadn't
have gone that way. She wished they could have had more time. Though
he had lasted longer than anyone had suspected he would, Benani wished
they could have been wrong. But they were right. The healers had
known and he was gone. At that very moment, she had no doubt that
Zathris was having to pull himself together enough to try and help
assemble the pieces and keep them together while assisting with the
funeral.

"You wish?" he prompted, knowing she had wanted more time, but wanting
to let her give voice to what she was feeling inside. He was always a
bit concerned that her heart would burst with all of the concern and
caring that she held within.

"I just wish it wasn't like this." Benani took the handkerchief she had
been clutching since she entered the room and dabbed at her eyes,
though they watered again almost instantly. "I don't know. I know
this was expected. I just always thought Daddy would be...that he'd
last longer."

"I know. I think we all thought that he would just, keep on," he
swallowed. Cupping her face for a moment he held her gaze, then moved
away from her, only to return with a clean handkerchief. He put an arm
around Benani's shoulders and ushered her toward a seat taking one next
to her. If anything would ease Benani from her desperate grief it
would be the call to care for another so Nimroy gave her the gift of
truth. "I felt so empty when I heard, and then so guilty. Father and
I argued far more than any of the rest of you. Granted these past
months had been better, but for turns we were at odds. There is no
time left to make amends."

"Oh Nim..." It was Benani's turn to encircle her brother with her arms
and draw her close. "I think he forgave you a long time ago. Even
when you two were fighting, you know he loved you." How could he
not? Benaroy had been their father, and granted, he was often busy but
that didn't mean he didn't care for his children. She sighed as she
held her brother close. "So...what do we do now? Oh I hope they don't
ask me to help with any funeral preparations, I don't know if I can
stand it!"

"No, my pet, that will be well cared for. What we have to do now
is...well, do the best we can to honor Father's memory. He loved his
Hold and his family so you and I need to take special care of those
things. I'm concerned for Imaroy. I could see him becoming lost in
the shuffle." Nimroy paused, not sure how much he wanted to share with
his sister. So far as anyone knew thus far, Father had not named an
heir. The resulting turmoil could be ground-shattering.

"Yes, you're right." When Benani wiped her tears again, they didn't
water as quickly as before. She would do as Nimroy suggested, take
special care of Hold and family however she could. She struggled to
smile at her brother, but the expression upon his face wiped away any
hint of it, "What? What is it?" She could tell he was holding back -
she could always tell. He might have been able to fool others, but
Benani could always see through Nimroy's attempts. "What are you
hiding from me?"

A soft sigh escaped his lips which twitched upward, almost achieving a
smile. "Not hiding, dearheart, never that. I'm just concerned and did
not want to burden you unnecessarily . As of yet no one is aware of
Father naming an Heir. This could...complicate matters"

"Oh..." Benani leaned back, one hand reaching up to cover her mouth in
her surprise. He didn't? How couldn't he? Benaroy had known that he
was living on borrowed time, surely he would have chosen an heir! "No
documents? Nothing? Has anyone checked with the Hall to be sure?"

"Oh, the matter is receiving every attention I assure you. Perhaps,
something shall be uncovered. Hopefully so. I know that the Steward
has sent off correspondence. Do not fret, sister, I am sure all will be
well." Nimroy assured her with a confidence he did not quite feel.

"I don't understand...he knew...he _knew_..." Benani shook her
head, holding her hands close to her chest as if to protect herself
from something. "This is going to make things even more
chaotic. Wait...wouldn't the inheritance simply fall to Royan? He's
the eldest..."

"No," Nimroy answered quietly. "No. If there is no recorded heir, then
the matter will go before the Conclave of Lord Holders and they will
determine whom among those that are eligible shall Hold. Generally,
this will be a son and in this case most likely Royan or Benaran in my
opinion, however there are politics involved and these matters do not
always end as people would suspect. All of the sons would be
considered and in this case Zathris would definitely be in the
running." Nimroy would not under any circumstances relay to his little
sister how ugly these things were wont to become, but she deserved to
know the basic truths of it up front.

"Zathris? But he was never a contender." Zathris had wanted his own
hold, that much she knew, but Benani also knew that he would have never
vied for Amber Hills. In fact, they had even discussed what they would
do once her father _did_ pass on. After all, that was why she had
wanted to return to Amber Hills in the first place. It was very likely
that, once things settled down, Zathris would look into starting his
own hold.

The thought brought more tears to her eyes. No. She couldn't think
about that, not yet. Eventually she would have to, but Zathris wasn't
so callous as to demand that they put into effect the tentative verbal
plans they had discussed so soon.

Nimroy pulled his sister back into a protective hug, wishing he could
spare her from all the hurt and hardship. "Not to worry little one,"
he smiled at the endearment. She was not really his "little one" any
longer, but to him she always would be. "Do not fret about what may or
may not be. Right now we must do what we can to comfort and support
our family and honor Father's memory by doing what we can for the
Hold. Thread will fall whether we worry over it or not so let us leave
the future to itself and concern ourselves with today. And today, I
think my son needs a visit from his favorite aunt."

"I think that can be arranged." As long as she could compose herself
long enough for a visit. At the moment, Benani felt like she could
fall back into her tears at any moment and anything could trigger
it. She gave her brother one last hug before pulling away. "But
later." She wished Zathris were there. Shardit, she didn't want to
move on, right then. They could have at least let her have
Zathris! "Right now...I'm in no condition to visit anyone,
really." She needed to pull herself together, she knew that. But it
was so difficult. Her father was gone, the Hold would suffer at least
some semblance of chaos before everything was
over and...well...nothing would ever be the same.

Last updated on the January 24th 2009

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Nothing Will Ever Be the Same