Dirty little secrets

Writers: Paula
Date Posted: 13th September 2007

Characters: Zelanka
Description: Zelanka remembers when she first realized what was wrong in her husband.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 6, day 3 of Turn 4

Zelanka was reorganizing her cupboard when she found the matching pair of wine glasses. They had been a wedding gift, from Duksana. Duksana har been her best friend since their childhood. Poor Duksana, Shadux's mother. After her death, Zelanka had done her best to look after the boy. The glasses brought memories when she polished them to her appron hem.

~ *~ Flashback ~*~

It should have been happiest day in her life as a freshly-wed wife.
The day after the wedding, the morning after wedding day. She shoud have been singing and dancing. Instead, her bridesmaid found her weeping when she came in.

"Zelanka! What's wrong?" Duksana asked softly as she knelt down beside her friend. "Are you all right?" Here she had been all ready to gently tease the knewly wedded woman as friends often did, but she never for the life of her expected to find her in such a state. "Did... Did he hurt you?" she asked gently, her eyes widdening. Though she herself was not yet married, she had heard stories... They all had... It was the worst fear of unwed girls for their wedding night.

"No! He..he couldn't do it at all!" Zelanka said. "It was a totally humiliating. Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, no, there's nothing wrong with you," her friend replied adamently, wrapping her arms around her friend. "Maybe... maybe he was just nervous..."

"Or too drunk. He was just fumbbling around like he never seen a woman before. Petriv is six turns older than me, you would think he had gotten some experience by now," Zela was starting to get indignant now.

Duksana was torn about that score. She didn't like the idea that her future husband might be bedding some tramp out there somewhere. But at the same time, she wondered if it might be even worse if he didn't know what to do. "Well, maybe you just need to be patient. Maybe... Maybe he needs to learn too.. It's romantic, in a way, that he would wait..."

"Maybe. But he was very unromantically...", Zelanka blushed when she searched for suitable experssion, "...soft. Like I couldn't arouse him at all." She was getting teary again. She remembered all her other "suitors". She had let some of them kiss her (but never anything more than few kisses and touches here and there). Those lads had been eager for more. But Petriv, now that she thought of it, had never even tried to kiss her all the time they had dated. She had thought he was too gentleman. Oh, he had been considerete, brought flowers and little gifts. But even after they had handfasted, he didn't even try to get "taste" of what was to come after the wedding.

"But Zela, Petriv adores you. Of that I'm sure," her friend said gently. "Just give it time. You'll see."

"Of course he does, you're right. I'm just over-reacting. I've just waited for this so long," she sighed.

~~ fastforward about half a turn later The headwoman had sent Zelanka to check if the blueberries were ripe.
If they were, she would orginize parties to pick them. Zelanka enjoyed the change to walk around the woods alone. Lately the hints, meaningful looks to her still very narrow waist or direct questions about her being pregnant, had gotten to her nerves. After six month of the wedding, people expected her to start having babies. The hold needed to be repopulated after the plagues. Zelanka was starting to get bitter about it. Her husband insisted on sleeping in different bedroom and barely touched her. He just didn't "visit" her often enough to get a baby started. Oh, he had finally managed to make her a woman, but shards it had been awkward!

Zelanka was started out of her thoughts when she saw the dragon. She could hardly miss it, since she blocked whole road. A lovely shade of green she was. She had rarely seen dragon so close, so she stopped to gawk her. Then she came aware of the sound, low murmur of voices and moans. She snuck closer to look, and behind some bushes, she saw two men in passionate embrace. Her cheek started to burn red when she realized exactly what they were doing. Then she recognized the other man and turned ghastly pale. It was Petriv. Her husband. She turned and fled, neither men noticing she had been there. The dragon did see her but didn't remember to mention it to her rider later.

When she run out of the woods, of course she had to run into Duksana!

"Zela! The Headwoman said you would be out here," her friend smiled, carrying a basket of her own. "I thought I'd join you since my mother finally allowed me out of the ladies solar. The weather's just so nice I couldn't stand... What is it?"

Her first reaction was to blurt it all out, but something stopped her.
Pride, humiliation. How could she ever tell anyone about this. It was too shameful. That her husband had such a unnatural tendencies.
"There, there's dragon there...Can't they stay inside their weyrholds with their unnaturalities!" she spat out.

"A dragon?" Duksana asked, astonished to hear of one coming to Amber Hills of all places! "What is it doing here?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know," Zelanka said vehemently. "Let's go to pick redfruits instead," she suggested. There was two sides inside her warring: other one wanted to tell her everything. Duksana was her best friend, they could trust each other. But the other side felt need to keep this secret, from everybody. It was just too great a shame. If she spoke up in public, it would ruin Petriv. She still cared about him, too much to do that to him.

~*~ end of flash back ~*~

Zelanka smiled bitterly. She never told about to Duksana. She kept her husband's dirty little secret and hid the shame. When she finally told someone, it had been the Lord Holder of all people! She gently placed the glasses back to their place. She had tried to revenge Petriv by sleeping with other men. She was no better than Petriv. Her life was full of shame and dirty little secrets. No wonder she was so obsessed about cleaniness.

Last updated on the September 13th 2007

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Dirty little secrets