Love Lost

Writers: Devin, Rochelle
Date Posted: 13th May 2007

Characters: R'masu, R'syl
Description: R'masu and R'syl meet and share their woes at the new Vinter Hall tavern.
Location: Vintner Hall
Date: month 3, day 15 of Turn 4

After finishing his brief set, R'masu went to the bar and ordered a mug of ale. He felt the mix of emotions that often accompanied a performance:
happiness, sadness, hope, excitement. Turning back toward the rest of the tavern, he looked for a place to sit. There were a few groups near the stage that had praised his performance and he was sure to be welcome among them. But a man about his age, a fellow dragonrider that he recognized as the new Weyrlingmaster, was sitting alone in the corner and looked rather down. Mug in hand, R'masu walked over to his table. "May I sit here?"

R'syl was surprised to see the performer at his table, but waved an acceptance. "Of course." He toyed absently with his mug, looking blankly into the liquid. Maybe he should leave. Visiting the new tavern for a few candlemarks had seemed like a good idea when some of the staff had suggested it, but now... He really needed to get back to the weyrlings.

"You're our new Weyrlingmaster, aren't you?" R'masu asked as he took a seat.

"That would be me." He agreed, swirling the liquid around the mug now. He should really finish it... it was good stuff. And he'd only had the one, so he didn't have to worry about being too sloshed to deal with emergencies. He took another sip.

"I'm R'masu, rider of brown Kannoth, in case you didn't catch my name during the performance."

"R'syl, bronze Usaeth's rider." He said automatically, looking up and really seeing the brownrider at last. He offered a faint smile, all he felt like trying to manage. "I'm sorry. I'm not very good company right now."

"That's ok. I have bad days myself." R'masu took a sip of his ale. It was quite good. "Anything in particular bothering you, or would you rather not talk about it?"

R'syl hesitated, then shrugged. There was no reason for him to answer. But then, there was no reason _not_ to answer either. "My wife... I mean weyrmate. She used to love that song. The one the harper was singing before you." He clarified, taking another drink.

"Ahh," R'masu said, his voice full of understanding. "I lost my weyrmate to Thread. I wrote 'Broken Sky' for her, and it still hurts to sing it.
Music is a very powerful tool."

"Anything that triggers a memory is." R'syl said quietly. "Music just has a habit of triggering the happier ones, which makes them hurt all the more." He sighed. "Almost fourteen turns now." He murmured to himself.

It was depressing to think his wounds might still be so raw after fourteen turns. "It's been three turns for me."

R'syl raised an eyebrow. Three turns... "Fall?" He asked simply.

"The first," R'masu answered. He ached to see Saray again, to touch her, to tell her he loved her one more time.

"I lost my daughter in the second." R'syl admitted, swallowing the lump in his throat. Oroma had never had the chance the weyrlings he taught now did. No one in those first falls had. He missed her, missed the proud snap of her eyes and the fall of her dark hair that had reminded him so much of Masair... He took another drink.

R'masu considered that the pain of losing a child might be worse than the pain of losing a weyrmate. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for your loss.
Thread has cost us so much."

"Thread and everything else..." Would he ever understand what had went wrong with Rosair? He smiled bitterly at the other man. "And I'm sorry for yours. Were you together long?"

"Twelve turns." R'masu smiled sadly and took another drink.

"The same for me." He admitted, a distant look in his eyes as he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Twelve turns, fourteen if you count our marriage." He sighed, cradling his cup. The drink was almost gone.

"I wish it didn't hurt so much. She would hate it if she knew the thought of her caused me so much pain," R'masu said. "She would want me to be happy."

The thought provoked a bitter smile from R'syl. "Masair... I don't know anymore." He said finally. It was so easy to forget how things had really been sometimes. He didn't always want to remember the bad times, but he suspected the day he did he would lose what little he had left. They had loved each other, but they had been proud. And downright stupid at times.
"It's been so long, now. Sometimes I wonder if it was all just a dream." R'masu took a long drink. Just a dream . . . it did feel like that at times. "Did you ever find anyone again? Someone as special as your Masair?"

R'syl shook his head. "No. But then, I never really tried. I...tried to be a father to my children instead. There have been other women." He admitted, "but they didn't last. They weren't Masair. I'm not sure I want there to be anyone else."

"I understand." R'masu nodded. "I'm not sure I want to find another, either. I know she would want me to be happy, to find love again, but I don't ever want to replace her."

R'syl raised his mug in a silent toast and downed what was left. He sat for a few moments then, toying with his empty mug. He wanted another, but he should probably go, and save his marks for another night. There was no sense in being so drunk he couldn't handle an emergency. And yet... "I don't know anymore." He admitted heavily. "I loved her. I love my children too. I tried my best by all of them, and I lost them anyway."

"You still have your dragon," R'masu pointed out. "You will always have him. And now you have the Weyrlings. I'm sure they will become fine riders under your leadership."

He shrugged, looking up at R'masu. "I suppose I'm greedy." He smiled his bitter smile again. "Usaeth is perfect, but I had it all once. And now being just a rider doesn't seem like enough."

R'masu finished his mug. "No, it doesn't."

Last updated on the May 14th 2007

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Love Lost