Harki and the Heinous Pants (part 1)

Writers: Bree, Yvonne
Date Posted: 6th March 2007

Characters: V'kelo, Harki, Sarian
Description: V'kelo's pants offend Harki. A lot.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 22 of Turn 4

"...and then I told Cerillith that if she ever ate another trundlebug, I was going to disown her. I mean, seriously." Harki made a face and twiddled with the stem of her wineglass. "I am _not_ going to pick crap like that out from between her teeth. It _ruins_ my fingernails. And is disgusting."

Sarian reached across the table to grab Harki's hand. "Oh, please.
Like you even take care of your nails. Have you been _biting_ them or something?"

"No!" The greenrider pulled her hand away and curled it into a fist, somewhat guiltily. "That's a disgusting habit. I don't do that."

"Uh-huh... sure you don't." Sarian held out her own hands. "It's not _easy_ for a rider to keep her nails looking nice, but you could at least put a little effort into it."

Harki rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm sexy anyways. Did I tell you I finally got Dolovan to finally put out? Shards, what a waste of time _he_ was. And speaking of good grooming - that man is the _hairiest_
beast I have ever had the misfortune to have in my bed. He sheds!"

Sarian made a face. "That is _disgusting_ Harki! I don't want to _know_ about Dolovan's shedding problems!" She made a face and took a deep swig from her drink. "Honestly!"

Harki raised her eyebrows and put a hand to her mouth in mock surprise. "You mean... this is _news_ to you?! I thought you'd slept with every man in the Weyr already!"

"I have no--" Sarian trailed off and frowned. "Wait a minute, which one is Dolovan? I thought he was the--"

"Sarian, look over there.." Harki reached across the table to grab her friend's forearm. Her eyes were wide and she looked torn between laughter and disgust as she pointed across the dining cavern.
"Shards. And. Shells. What on Pern is V'kelo _wearing_?!"

Sarian turned to follow Harki's gesture, her eyes widening.
"That's... a daring fashion statement." Or a sign of some sort of mental deficiency.

"I think they actually, physically hurt my eyes." Harki screwed her eyes shut, then opened them again to stare at V'kelo's bottom half in horror. "Yes, they do. Those pants are heinous!"

"Maybe he lost a bet," Sarian suggested, watching the way the unfortunate fabric clung to V'kelo's body in all the wrong ways. "A really, really bad bet."

They were a dyer's hallucination and a seamstress' nightmare. Mustard yellow, shot through with thin stripes of blue and red that didn't match up at the seams, they bunched up in wrinkles around the crotch and were a little too snug around V'kelo's calves. Harki shook her head. "He's my Wingmate. I can't let him do that to himself. I'll be right back." She left Sarian guarding their dirty plates and marched over to where the brownrider had settled himself and sat down beside him. "V'kelo? Your pants need to be burned."

V'kelo paused with a forkful of food half way to his mouth. "I'd take them off if you asked nicely, Harki. No need to get violent."

"Violence towards pants like those don't count. It'd be a service to all of Pern. They need to go, and never be seen again."

"My, my, my." V'kelo grinned. "You really do feel strongly, don't you?"

The greenrider frowned and crossed her arms. "It's not about me. This is a public service. And, quite possibly, your lack of taste. Are you colour-blind?"

He glanced down at his pants and pulled a thoughtful expression. "I don't know, I sort of like them." Which was a blatant lie--he'd run through his laundry and forgotten to throw it at a drudge until this morning. But if Harki was going to take such an active interest in his pants, he wouldn't ruin her fun by pointing that out.

"What is _wrong_ with you!? I thought you were a smart man!"

V'kelo hastily swallowed the bite of his dinner that he'd managed to sneak, and then grinned at Harki. "Why, Harki. I didn't know you cared."

**Irritating, no-good herdbeast,** thought the greenrider.
Miraculously this thought did not get said aloud. "I'm trying to do the neighbourly thing, you dimglow, and you're not taking me seriously!"

"Don't be silly, sweetheart. I'm taking you _very_ seriously." His grin turned a little naughty. "Wanna come back to my weyr and help me get out of them?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Any chance you had with me was ruined the moment you covered your important bits in those- that travesty of fashion."

V'kelo made a mental note to wear the pants again tomorrow. And to seek out Harki and make sure she saw them. "I'm heartbroken, darling.
I really am."

"_Darling_?!"

"Mmmm..." He took another bite of his dinner. "Baby?"

"I hope you choke," she said. The greenrider stood up and stalked back to where she'd left Sarian, only to find a bluerider had taken her seat while she was talking with V'kelo. She tapped him on the shoulder. "This is my spot. Scram."

The bluerider winked at Sarian before slowly getting up and sauntering off. Harki collapsed into the recently vacated seat with a huff. "That man needs saving from himself."

"Oh, and you're just the person to do it," Sarian replied, her eyes following the bluerider away.

"Oh, shut up," Harki muttered. But Sarian was right - if she didn't do something, the entire Weyr would have to suffer. The pants _were_ that bad.

Last updated on the March 10th 2007

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Harki and the Heinous Pants (part 1)