We Make Ourselves

Writers: Bree, Yvonne
Date Posted: 27th February 2007

Characters: Lenala, Tsaera
Description: Lenala apologizes to Tsaera for the chaos she's caused, but Tsaera is encouraging in spite of her frustration with Lenala's... inadequacies.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 2, day 24 of Turn 4

Lenala

Lenala settled nervously into a chair without looking at the Weyrwoman. "I'm so sorry, Tsaera. I should have kept Vilarth under control... I'm so sorry."

Tsaera sighed. It was too early for this sort of nonsense - drama shouldn't crop until at least midmorning. She reached out to give Lenala's hand a comforting squeeze. "You did nothing wrong, Lenala.
Vilarth is her own person, and Tabanirth tells me that she was angry for your sake, not because you were angry. She's told me most of it, but I want to hear it from you."

Closing her eyes, Lenala took a deep breath and tried to put the events of the morning in order. "I stayed with a friend last night, because I needed to think without M'galec being there to confuse me.
He talks and talks..." She shook her head and forced herself back to the story. "I was going to tell him to leave, this morning. I don't--I don't think he's good for me. But K'mai came with me because I was nervous... and M'galec got so angry. And then he wouldn't leave."

It sounded innocent, when she put it that way. Tsaera knew it wasn't.
She wished for klah. "Why did K'sedel have to go down to your weyr?"

Lenala sighed. "Because M'galec wouldn't leave. And he... he was getting angry. And making me--" She hesitated, but decided the truth was important. Tsaera had to know how pathetic she'd become. "He was making me scared, Tsaera. M'galec... is good at making me scared. And Vilarth got more and more upset, until she finally called for someone she thought would be able to make M'galec leave."

Tsaera bit her tongue - what she _wanted_ to say was that a goldrider had nothing to fear from any man in the Weyr, and that any man who tried to intimidate her ought to be thrown off the Weyr's bluff. She contented herself with a narrowing of her eyes. "If M'galec frightens you, then he has no place in your weyr and you have every right to ask him to leave. And you were right to call in K'sedel if he was stupid enough not to listen to you."

The younger goldrider's eyes opened to reveal tears. "I was right?" she asked a little giddily. "He said I was foolish and irresponsible because I couldn't control my dragon. And that it was none of the Weyrleader's business and that he should be able to stay and I should have to explain to him why I wanted him to go."

"Pshaw." The Weyrwoman couldn't contain her snort of disbelief.
"M'galec is a- lying cad," she said, replacing her origional assesment with something a little less offensive. "Vilarth was upset on your _behalf_, not because you were upset. And what goes on in this Weyr _is_ my business, mine and K'sedel's, when it involves our riders' well being. What goes on in your weyr is your business, and you have the right to kick him out without saying why, if you choose." By the Egg, she'd had enough of that bronzerider. It was time to remind him where he stood. She frowned. "Are you crying?"

Lenala shook her head quickly, but the denial was pointless. Tears leaked over her cheeks. "I'm less than useless, Tsaera. I couldn't even make him leave. And I tried so hard, because I knew he was upsetting Vilarth, and she's more important than anything else."

"Don't be silly, Lenala." The thought of embracing the weepy goldrider was rather horrifying, but Tsaera wasn't too sure what else to do. She sat for a moment, feeling as helpless as Lenala had minutes earlier, then stood and sent an order for klah down the cupboard lift to the kitchens. On her way back she found a handkerchief in a jacket tossed carelessly over the back of a chair the night before to give to Lenala. "You had the courage to ask him to leave, and knowing M'galec, unless you picked him up by the scruff of his neck and forcibly tossed him out of your weyr, he was going to argue. You did well, and you were right to call K'sedel."

Lenala swallowed, feeling slightly soothed by the fact that Tsaera said she'd done the right thing. "But when about when he comes back? Shards, Tsaera... I hate to say this about myself, but I'm a fool. He knows how to manipulate me. Every time I think I'm in the right... if he even talks to me, he can tie me in knots."

"Then don't talk to him."

"But--" She stopped and looked at Tsaera with amazement. "Can I do that?"

"Why not? He's a man, not a Lord. And you, my dear Second, outrank him." Perhaps she shouldn't have added that... the last thing she needed was Lenala overusing her authority. Then again, this was hardly the vapid, self-centred little twit who had arrived at River Bluff Weyr months ago. The old Lenala would never have cried over a man. Lenala twisted her hands together and nodded. "I--I outrank him." Her voice didn't sound very certain. "I do, Tsaera. I know I do. But--he doesn't believe that. He thinks I'm stupid. And everyone knows that I'm not--I'm not very smart."

"Nonsense. You're a goldrider, not some silly greenrider." Where was that sharding klah!? Tsaera felt a headache coming on, and the sun was barely up. "The only reason that M'galec doesn't believe that is that _you_ don't seem to believe it. You outrank him. Believe in your knots. If you want him out of your weyr, Lenala, you can call a guard and make them carry his things out. Call the Headwoman and ask her to get a smith to change the lock on your door. You _know_ this. And the only way that you are going to get him out, and make him stay out, is if you remind him of it too."

"All right." Lenala straightened up, wiping her cheeks with the handkerchief Tsaera had provided. "I can do this. If he comes back, I'll send for a guard. I just won't listen to anything he says." And maybe she'd hide in someone else's weyr for a while, though that part of the plan was embarrassing enough that she didn't feel like sharing it with Tsaera.

"I know you can." Tsaera stood as well, then thought 'scorch it!' and took Lenala's hands in her own. "You're my Second, and I don't make mistakes."

Lenala smiled shakily. "You don't know how much I wish I could be strong like you, Tsaera. I'm tired of being stupid or scared or silly all the time."

She had no idea how heartbreaking that sounded, Tsaera thought. It made her sad, and it made her want to slap some sense into her Wingsecond. "We make ourselves, Lenala. We can be whomever we want to be. And if it helps, you're allowed to pretend to be me to get M'galec out of your weyr." Just as long as she didn't have to be around to see the impression.

Last updated on the February 27th 2007

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

We Make Ourselves