The Book

Writers: Devin, Bree
Date Posted: 25th February 2007
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: N'vanik, Talryne
Description: N'vanik returns Talryne's book, leading to an interesting conversation.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 25 of Turn 4

N'vanik

Talryne

Talryne was wrapped in a thick robe and combing out her hair when N'vanik arrived, her missing book in hand. She stared at the book for a few moments before shifting her gaze to his face and glaring at him with a little of her old self glinting from her eyes. "You stole my book."

"No. I just borrowed it," he said. "Without asking."

"Which is called stealing."

"Only if you don't intend to give it back." N'vanik held the book out to her. She reached out and took it back, eyeing him warily. "I suppose you read it."

"It was very interesting." He grinned to hide his discomfort. Some parts of the book were a little too close to reality. Color flooded Talryne's cheeks as she set the book aside. For the first time in longer than she could remember, she actually felt angry with N'vanik. Not because he'd taken the book, so much--but because by reading it, he'd gotten a glimpse of the innocent, sentimental little hold girl she'd been just a few turns before. "You can be such a pain, N'vanik. And nosy, too."

"Why thank you." N'vanik studied her, surprised at her reaction. Was she _angry_? It was hard to believe.

She started combing her hair again, her motions jerky. "It wasn't a compliment," she snapped, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. A few months ago maybe it wouldn't have mattered. But to have N'vanik read _that_ book, with the strong, misunderstood bronzerider who rescued a simple hold girl and fell in love with her as he taught her how to be strong again...

The comb caught in a tangle of hair and she swore under her breath as her angry movements nearly ripped the hair from her head.

She _was_ angry! N'vanik couldn't help a smile. "I knew there was some fire left in you."

Talryne's fingers tightened around the comb as she rose to her feet, eyes still narrowed dangerously. "Don't you think you can be all condescending just because I used to be a silly little hold girl. I'm not sweet _or_ innocent any more!" The smile dropped. "I didn't say you were. And don't worry, cause I'm not . . that guy." He gestured vaguely at the book. "You--you sharding egotistical--" At first Talryne thought she was going to shove N'vanik, but her fingers ended up tangled in his tunic instead. "It was never about you! I didn't come to you that night because I wanted you to save me!"

N'vanik's eyes widened. There seemed to be _plenty_ of fire left in her. He swallowed. "I know you didn't. You wanted sex, which I didn't give you." And sex was on his mind now, even as he tried to push the thought away. Women getting angry at him was an almost certain way to turn him on. "That's the easy answer," Talryne agreed, her voice falling to a near whisper. She wasn't even looking at him any more... her eyes stared at his chest, unseeing. "It's not the truth, though. I didn't want sex. I wanted to be used. I wanted that pain that comes with it... I _deserved_ it."

"No you didn't." N'vanik put his arms around her, forgetting everything else but concern. The anger broke and left nothing but confusion in its wake. "Then why did you save me?" she asked, her voice muffled against his chest. "I didn't try to make you into that man, N'vanik. I didn't mean to do it."

"It's okay, Tal," he said, rubbing her back. "I didn't mean to save you." _Save_ her? Was that really what he'd done? "I just wanted to help."

She took a deep breath and tried to relax. "I'm sorry. Maybe I overreacted. A little."

"It's just a silly book." And he wished he hadn't read the sharding thing. It brought up too many questions.

"Maybe. But it was my silly book." And it certainly wasn't going to be comforting anymore. Every time she picked it up she'd imagine N'vanik looking at it in horror when he realized what was in it. "So I guess you wouldn't want me to read it to you?" he joked.

Talryne forced a laugh as the color flooded her cheeks again. "I think the point of books like that is for women to read them when they're alone." "Yeah, I kinda got that impression." Some of the passages had been hard to stomach, they were so sweet. "Do you really . . . like that kinda stuff?"

She shrugged and settled back down on the couch to resume trying to comb her hair out. "Not really, not most of the time. But sometimes when I'm upset or sad... well, it's nice to pretend."

N'vanik winced at her choice of words. His recent pretending had been a lot less harmless than book reading. He sat next to her and held his hand out for the comb. "Here, let me do that."

She relinquished the comb and shifted sideways, pulling her feet up onto the couch and wrapping her arms around her legs. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just didn't want you to read that book and think--I don't know. Think that I was using you to live out some sort of fantasy."

"Tal, I--" He meant to say he didn't think she was using him, but that wasn't what came out. "I slept with your cousin."

Talryne did nothing for the space of several heartbeats. Then she turned slowly to give N'vanik a confused look. "I'm..." She blinked at him, trying to figure out if the statement was supposed to be relevant to the conversation they'd been having. "I thought you didn't like her." It was all she could think of to say. "I don't." Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did he say that?!

"Oh." She studied his face. "Don't take this wrong, N'vanik... but why are you telling me?" After all, she doubted Abrei was the only person he'd slept with since that night she'd shown up at his door. She didn't much care for the idea, but it wasn't like she'd expected N'vanik to give up women to spend his evenings reading to her.

He swallowed. Might as well get it over with. "I pretended she was you." There. Now it was out, and he couldn't take it back.

"You--" She couldn't quite bring herself to repeat the words. The words filled the silence between them as she struggled to think of some way to ease the sudden tension. Now was not the time to wonder about the implications of that statement. Instead she tried for a smile. "You must have some imagination. Either that or you gagged her to keep her from talking, because I don't think I'm as annoying as she is."

N'vanik took a breath, glad she wasn't asking for more explanation. He didn't completely understand it himself and didn't know how he could explain to her. Forcing a smile, he said, "No way. She's way more annoying than you are." He kissed Talryne's cheek, trying to stuff the guilt back down.

She slid a hand up into his hair and caught him before he could pull back. With her cheek against his, she closed her eyes and relaxed slowly against his body. "You don't owe me anything," she said finally in a soft whisper. "No explanations, no excuses, nothing. You gave me so much of your life for so long... it's all right to take some back." She kissed his cheek and pulled back a little. "But not with Abrei, just in case her sort of crazy is contagious. I like you fine the way you are."

For a moment, all he could do was stare at her. No one had ever said that to him. Everyone was always trying to change him, to fix him. And even though Tal _was_ changing him, that wasn't her intent. "I want to be a better person for you. You mean a lot to me." And being able to say that was proof enough that he had changed. "Don't look so surprised, N'vanik." A hint of her old personality stared out of her eyes as she pulled back to smile at him. "Perfect romantic men are better left for books. I don't believe in 'making love'... and it sounds boring, anyway."

He laughed. "Sounds boring to me, too. I want my sex to be exciting." He saw the look in her eyes and knew there was more of her old self in there, waiting to come out.

Talryne shifted a little farther away as she smiled. "So everything is as it should be, then." Except that she wanted terribly to offer him that exciting sex... and at the same time knew it was a bad idea. Before they'd had sex and it had been meaningless. Now... well, everything seemed to have more meaning than she could handle at the moment.

That hesitant silence had fallen between them again, one that had become far too familiar. N'vanik wondered how many more times he would be able to stand backing off. "How about you come over to my weyr tomorrow? Loseth misses you."

"All right." She pulled her hair over one shoulder and started braiding it. "Or maybe--well, if you're not busy tonight, we could have dinner?" And since she ended up sneaking back into his weyr to curl up next to him more than she wanted to admit, it would save her a trip to his weyr in the middle of the night.

"That sounds good." He kissed the side of her neck. Hopefully she would stay over and he would get another candlemark or two of sleep instead of spending that time tossing and turning.

She had to fight against a shiver as a tiny hint of desire uncurled inside her at the feeling of his lips. It was almost unfamiliar after the past months. His touch had been comforting and even pleasurable sometimes, but she'd been numb to anything resembling actual desire. Now things were changing--sometimes more quickly than she liked. Either way she was going to have to make a choice soon: keep existing, or actually try to live.

Last updated on the February 27th 2007

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The Book