Weyr Ways

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 3rd March 2020

Characters: N'call, Ninaine
Description: Ninaine and N'call discuss Ninaine's conversation with Teseada
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 2 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Teseada, J'lor

N'call

Ninaine

When Luneth called out that Haloth had appeared over the Weyr, Ninaine
looked up from the pile of straps in her lap before slowly setting
them aside. She was expecting this visit, but after her conversation
with Teseada, she didn't know if he would be irritated, defensive, or
loving when he stepped into her small weyr. That uncertainty made her
stomach clench in anxiety, but as she put the straps aside and rose,
she took a deep breath.

**It's not wrong that I'm hurt or angry.** She told herself firmly.
**I have every right to be.** This discussion, she decided, was long
overdue and she would not bottle up what she felt. **But,** she also
reminded herself firmly, **I will not dissolve into tears or make
myself look pathetic and needy. I will not lose my temper and throw
anything.** She glanced at the leather punch she still held in her
hand and put it down on the pile of hide. Just in case. **This can be
a calm, reasonable discussion. I'm an adult, not a child. I should act
like it. **

N'call walked into the small weyr glancing once around the room to
make sure they were alone before silently walking toward her with his
arms out stretched offering a hug.

Ninaine drew herself up, folding her arms over her chest. If she knew
Teseada, she knew that she'd likely spoken of their discussion with
N'call. That he thought she'd welcome him with open arms and simply
ignore what he'd done irked her. "Please sit down, N'call. We have to
talk."

He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes then he dropped his arms.
"Alright," he said and sat in the nearest chair.

Ninaine moved to sit across from him, taking a deep breath while she
stared at the hands in her lap, then forced herself to speak softly.
"Teseada told me what you both were planning." She looked up at N'call
then, watching his face. "Do you have any idea how much hearing that
hurt me? To hear that you're planning an out of flight baby with her
without even talking about it with me first? You left me here, N'call
for nearly two months during a risky pregnancy. I was alone, scared,
on bedrest and you left to follow her in case her gold rose instead of
staying with me when I needed you the most. You moved in with her
instead of taking your own weyr. And then to hear that? Who do you
consider your weyrmate, N'call? Me or her?"

He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked at the
floor for a long moment. He took a breath and let it out slowly. He'd
known this was coming and that she'd confront him sooner or later.
That has always been in the cards. It was her nature to be the wounded
party in any conversation and as much as he loved her it was very
trying.

"First of all, I think you need to get some of your facts straight,"
he said. "I told you this before I left but you didn't listen then and
obviously you've forgotten all about it. Haloth and I were _sent_ with
Teseada and Onnyth by the Weyr Leadership because he is her current
mate. I did not _follow_ her there. If I'd been able to choose you
really think I would have left you in that condition. Is that the kind
of man you think I am Ninaine? Because if that is your opinion of my
character than we have far more to overcome here than a brother or
sister for Tecall."

Ninaine's eyes narrowed. " You're right, maybe I wasn't paying
attention, because I don't remember that conversation, but I remember
the day you left. You were excited to go, so even if you were ordered
to leave with her, it doesn't seem to me like it bothered you much."
She leaned back in her chair, taking in another deep breath to steady
herself. "So, I can admit that maybe I was mistaken in what I was
thinking. But that doesn't take away from what's going on now. So
answer my question, N'call."

"No," he said and sat back. "This isn't a choice it's a relationship.
I have one with her right now that doesn't include you only because
you can't come there. When we were all here our relationship was
closer physically yes, but the feelings I have for you are no
different."

Ninaine stared at him, stomach sinking. "So you don't think that you
should have talked to me at all about planning a baby with someone
else? You don't care at all that I'm hurt about what you've done?" Her
jaw clenched. "You never do anything wrong, do you? It's always me
that's wrong and if I get hurt, that's my problem, right?"

"I don't know," he said evenly, "should we have talked to Tes before
we had the twins?" He slapped his knees and stood up. "Faranth!
Sharding shells woman!" He spat the words at her. "I have to walk on
egg shells around you but somehow I seem to say the wrong thing and
you go into some kind of spiral. I am a dragonman, not a holder and
you can't ether expect or demand for me to behave like one. If you
want to take the blame for everything I say or do that is _not my
fault_," he yelled. "I didn't say those things to you _ever_. You
might think I did but I didn't." He shook his head and paced to the
door. "Loving you is never enough no matter how many times I tell
you."

"Teseada isn't your weyrmate! I am!" She rose, her own voice rising
in response. "So treat me like I'm more than an afterthought!" Tears
welled in her eyes and began streaming down her cheeks. "Why can't you
just acknowledge that I'm hurting instead of screaming at me? I'm the
one being left out! Why can't you see how much that hurts? It feels
like I've been replaced! And now you're leaving again..." She began
to shake, turning away and hugging herself.

He stared at her for a moment. He couldn't tell her what he'd done,
the chance he'd taken just to get to her side when she had the twins.
Nor the dressing down he'd received from D'hol when he got back late
for the next 'fall. The hours of sweeps he'd ridden as a result of it.
She was a greenrider and couldn't know he'd timed it or how dangerous
it had been. He shook his head slightly. "Being my weyrmate doesn't
give you the right to sign off on a gold riders decisions Ninaine no
matter what you think. But you expect me to just put up a hand in her
face when she asked and say, wait I have to go ask Ninaine? " He
slapped the wall with a open handed crack. "Tes could have anyone
father a child for her but she wants a full sibling for Tecall. I
honestly didn't think you'd object, but I'm obviously wrong again."

Ninaine shrank, holding herself tightly, jumping at the sharp crack
of sound. Her lower lip trembled and her shoulders slumped. "You're
right." Her voice was soft. "I didn't have the right. It's none of my
business I guess." She hurriedly wiped her eyes. She'd promised
herself that she wasn't going to cry, but here she was, crying
again. It didn't matter that it hurt. Or that she could see N'call
drifting to Teseada more and more. She was there with him every day,
sleeping with him, seeing him, eating with him... Everything. Feeling
defeated and utterly lost, she bowed her head. "I'm sorry. "

He'd turned away from her but her last words turned him back around.
This time he opened his arms just the way he had at the beginning. He
did love her for all she was a prickly little puss. "Ninaine."

She stilled and looked over her shoulder at the sound of her name. She
saw his open arms and she bit her trembling lip hard. She shook her
head, refusing the offer at first, then turning and finally burying
her head in his chest. Her fingers wound in his shirt and she said
nothing of the fears or the hurt she still felt. She loved him, but
feared that if she spoke of them further, it would just be more reason
for him to pull away even more. So she buried them, despite feeling
the curdling of resentment deep in her belly. Weyr ways...she couldn't
fight them.

He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. Ninaine wasn't
easy in the least but she still held the prominent place in his heart.
He was sorry she was having such a hard time and felt so hurt. He was
also sorry the timing had been so bad for their babies birth. He
kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry you're having such a hard
time," he said. "I really didn't mean for any of this to make you feel
so bad." His arms tightened. "I do love you very much Nina. Please
believe that."

Ninaine sniffled and pressed her cheek against his chest, slowly
wrapping her arms around him just as tightly. "I just miss you so much
and I've felt so alone. I'm sorry, N'call. I'm sorry I reacted so
badly. " She swallowed hard and she finally spoke her fears. "It seems
like this is so much easier for you and I got scared that... that
maybe Teseada is better for you than me. And that you really didn't
miss me at all."

"I _do_ miss you," he said and it was true. There were times when he
wanted to grab her hand and show her something he'd seen or found only
to realize she wasn't there. "When you and Luneth are able to travel
and we can get you there, you know we want you to join us at Barrier
Lake right? Did I tell you I'm a Wingsecond now?"

Ninaine shook her head, unwilling to lift it away from the comfort his
chest provided. "You didn't tell me. Congratulations. You deserve it.
You've been working hard." Then she paused, catching something in what
he said. "Wait...join you? Both of you?"

"We are a family, Ninaine. The three of us and the children. I think
Teseada tried to tell you that when she was here. We both miss you
and want you to come to Barrier Lake."

She had, Ninaine realized, but she hadn't been really closely
listening at the time. She realized also that she did consider Teseada
family, though there was lingering jealousy there as well. The
goldrider had always been kind and welcoming to her, even at her most
temperamental. Slowly, she nodded against his chest. "I'll apply for a
transfer. I...I miss you both too. Very much."

He hugged her even a bit tighter and kissed the top of her head. Then
his hands started traveling over her back and up into her hair. "I
miss you Nina," he said and pressed his desire against her.

His touch felt so very good and she arched against his stroking hand
much like a feline. Faranth, she'd missed that touch and hadn't shared
her furs with him since before the twins had been born. She wasn't
exactly cleared for it with the healers yet, but it was close enough
to six sevendays wasn't it? She ached for his touch, especially after
such an intense argument; she needed the reassurance of him beside
her, loving her. Reaching up, she threaded her hands into his hair,
then pulled his lips down to hers.

He picked her up and carried her to her bed...

Last updated on the May 31st 2020

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