Living in the Shadows

Writers: Heather
Date Posted: 8th December 2017

Characters: Arion, Benamil
Description: Benamil tries to explain to Arion about his fake marriage.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 2, day 1 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Karhal, Nazli, Benani

Benamil

Benamil left Amber Hills with the hood of his cloak pulled low over his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd had to sneak out of the Hold. The last time he'd been sixteen and trying to get out to the tavern for drinks, away from his father's watchful eye.

Tonight's quest was quite different. Benamil was hoping to get into the Vintner Hall and into Arion's room without anyone noticing. He needed to tell the vintner about Benani's plan, and his agreement to marry Nazli.

As he walked, Benamil rehearsed different versions in his mind of what he could say to Arion that wouldn't result in the vintner refusing to see him again.

**I really want to be with you but in order for us to be together I have to marry this woman....** Benamil wrinkled his nose.

**Nazli's great, you'll really like her...** He shook his head, no, that one was likely to earn himself a slap across the face.

He still wasn't sure what he would say as he slipped into the hall and made quickly for the journeyman's quarters.

"What are you doing here?" Arion hissed and drug Benamil inside when he opened his door to see the beastcrafter there.

"I needed to talk to you," Benamil said while Arion quickly shut the door behind him.

"I thought we agreed to stay apart for a while to let things die down?" Arion said as he slid the lock to his door into place.

Benamil unclasped his cloak and tossed it over one of Arion's chairs. "I know, but some things have happened that I need to talk to you about. Come here and sit with me," he said, taking a seat on the low coach near the small hearth.

Arion's eyes instantly narrowed with suspicion, "Things have happened? I don't like the sound of that."

**Shells, I should have rehearsed more.** Benamil thought as he patted the area beside him and beckoned for the blonde vintner to join him.

"Did Karhal tell someone?" he asked, taking the seat beside of Benamil.

"No, at least, not that I am aware," Benamil said, pulling Arion closer and draping the vintner's legs over his lap.

Arion sighed, but seemed to thaw a little, "Then what can possibly have changed, Ben?"

"I'm getting married."

Arion's eyes widened to the size of saucers, "Come again?"

"Benani has arranged for me to marry one of her lady's maids as a cover. This way people won't suspect me, and us." Benamil said, his voice softening as he watched a crestfallen look come over Arion's finely sculpted features.

"Married?" he said again in disbelief.

"It's the only way, Arion." Benamil replied.

Arion's expression instantly frosted over. "What's her name?"

"Nazli."

"Isn't she going to suspect something when her husband can't get it up for her on the wedding night? Or are you back into women now?" Arion's words were clipped and said through tightly clenched teeth.

Benamil's brow furrowed at the hostility behind the words, each one like a punch to the solar plexus, "Are we really going to go there?"

Arion crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged his shoulders. "That's what I am, right? A way for you to find out who you 'really are'?" Maybe the beastcrafter had decided that it wasn't worth the effort.

**He's just lashing out because he's hurt.** Benamil recited in his head five times slowly before answering.

"I already know who I am, Arion, and you know that." His words were slow and measured. "You are the only person I want to be with, but we live in a place where that isn't acceptable. Unless you would like to go with me to Dolphin Cove?"

Arion's eyes studied Benamil dubiously for a moment, "No, I don't want to go to the Weyr."

"That's what I thought," Benamil continued, "so I am going to marry Nazli so you and I can continue seeing each other. Nazli has had an abusive experience with a man before and is not interested in physical intimacy in any form. By marrying her, I can still be with you, and by marrying me, she can be looked after and cared for without the expectations of intimacy."

"And she knows this?" Arion sniffed.

"I am going to meet with her privately in the morning and tell her that I'm gay. She already has been assured by Benani that I won't be consummating the marriage, so she's probably already assuming." Benamil reached out to touch Arion's face but the man pulled back.

"I don't know, Benamil. This all just seems so... great for you. You get the picture perfect marriage, someone that your family will like and that you can take out in front of other important people... And what do I get? To wait in the shadows for when you have time for me?"

Benamil's irritation showed through, "Why can't you see that this is the only way? You are the one who first told me that we had to keep hidden. This way we can safely be together and use my 'marriage' to Nazli as a shield for us."

Arion shrugged again and pulled his legs back so that they were tucked underneath him. "You'll get caught up in your make-believe-marriage and forget all about me."

"Ari," Benamil stood up and raked his fingers through his hair, a sign of irritation, "I'm not going to keep repeating myself. I want you. I want to be with you. This is the only way I can figure out that works. If you think of something better you let me know." He grabbed his cloak and slung it around his shoulders.

"I'll send a gift to the wedding then, a fine wine for you and your bride." Each softly spoken word pierced Benamil's heart.

"I'll see you later, after you've had some time to think and realize that this is what's best." Benamil pulled his hood up and fled the room, afraid that if he stayed a moment longer things might truly end for him and Arion.

Last updated on the March 14th 2019

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Living in the Shadows