Consequences and Regrets Pt 3

Writers: Avery, Miriah
Date Posted: 5th August 2016

Characters: A'kades, Lanniya
Description: A'kades talks with Lanniya about what she did, and is more sympathetic than expected.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 5, day 20 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: K'sedel, Rhosyn, Lenala, L'airev, K'ran, Y'gel, Pierka, K'ale, F'lin; Pt 3 of 3

Lanniya

}:She is a hatchling still,:{ Volaith said to his rider in a gentle tone.

Now she sounded lost, and A'kades felt guilty about it. He was used to
being stern and he knew the weyrlings usually thought of him as
hard-hearted. But he didn't intend to be a bad man, just one of
discipline and principles. And she was a child, despite riding a shiny
dragon's hide. That said who she _would_ be but not always who she was
now, and he needed to respect that.

"Do you want to know a secret?" he asked after a moment.

She looked up. "What?"

"When Lenala had her miscarriage, and we thought she might die, I was
trying to remember if she'd conceived on Turn's End or not. I was
trying to figure out if I could go back and send a message to myself
so she wouldn't get pregnant. Because losing a breeding queen would
have been a disaster...and because I love her."

He hadn't told Lenala, or L'airev, or anyone else about that. To him
it was a moment of shame, that he'd considered it. Because he _knew_
what the risks were, and yet he'd thought about it.

"I didn't do it in the end because Lenala lived. But even if she'd
died, I couldn't have. If I'd gone back and warned myself, she
wouldn't have gotten pregnant and lost our child - but if that had
never happened, how would I have known to warn myself? Maybe because
that's impossible, if I'd tried to go back I would have been lost
/between/ to prevent that paradox, and then no one would have known
what happened to me, just that I died."

A'kades sighed and fell silent, his shoulders slumping as though a
weight had been dropped upon them.

Lanniya watched him, her eyes stricken. She remembered how upset he
had been, how torn by grief. "I'm...I'm sorry, A'kades. I..." She
didn't know what to say to that, she didn't know what she would have
done, if that had been her. "I thought because maybe my parents had
never been found it was because I found them. If they had found them,
maybe I wouldn't have done it but..." She chewed on her lower lip.
"I'm sorry, I guess I didn't think of it that way."

It seemed like his words had gotten through to her, at least a little.
But having dug back into his own grief in order to find common ground
with her, it didn't feel like the victory it might have been when
she'd first entered the office.

"The next time something happens - if a friend of yours is
Threadscored and his dragon goes /between/, will you tell yourself you
can go back and save him? Give coordinates at just the right time so
he comes forward and is saved? Wouldn't that feel like a good reason
to do it? Or what if you could prevent the plagues from last Interval,
so that the Craftban never happened because not as many people died?"

He shook his head, thinking about all the ways one might be tempted to
change history, and all the unfortunate ripples that could flow from
it.

"Timing it gives one the power to meddle with events, and depends on
so many things. Maybe too many for any one rider to really grasp.
Whether they're young like you, or old like me. Please, promise me you
won't time it again. You were lucky this time, and came out of it safe
and with your parents. But no matter how much you want to fix things,
no matter if it seems the right idea the next time - you can't be
lucky forever."

He didn't want to lose this pair. The weyrlings he'd trained felt, in
some way, like his own children. And the idea of losing Lanniya and
Anaeryth suddenly felt unbearable.

She just stared at him, her mouth parted slightly. Those scenarios
hadn't really occurred to her. What if K'ale got hurt? Or F'lin? Or
even Pierka? What if that happened to them? Would she want to change
it? Of course she would...but...her mind worked. If they died and she
went back, that would indeed cause a problem because if they didn't
die, then she wouldn't have a reason to go back and...that made her
brain hurt. She shifted in her seat again, staring down at her hands.

Slowly, she nodded, her voice a whisper. "I promise."

He didn't want to say 'good', not about something like this. Instead
he caught her eye and nodded his head in return, signaling his
acceptance. "Thank you."

The mood had gone somber, and he knew it was entirely his fault. So
A'kades cleared his throat, which was suddenly parched, and took a sip
of juice.

"K'sedel and I haven't decided on all of the duties for you yet, and
you do deserve some input. Would you rather spend today getting to
know the weyrlings and deciding on what you want to do? Or go spend
time with your parents and come back tomorrow? I won't tell if you
disappear - as long as you stay at the Weyr."

"I'm not allowed to leave the Weyr. Or to have visitors." There was
definite resentment in her voice. "Besides, Anaeryth can't fly until
Y'gel approves it." She looked up. "I want to spend time with my
parents. I've been without them too long and..." Her voice trailed
off. "...they don't want to stay at the Weyr now."

Had the meeting been so bad as to put them off? Well, the why didn't
matter at the moment. "Have they already left, or are they just
leaving soon?"

"They're Traders. When my grandfather's old caravan comes back,
they're leaving with it. They want to travel to spend some time with
Pierka too." She rubbed at her arm. "They'll visit, they just don't
think they belong here. My..my grandparents are going with them.
They've never really felt at home here. They were only staying for
me."

"And so no one will be with you when they leave?" The thought saddened
A'kades.

"Take today with them. Tomorrow I can have a list for you and we can
talk about it with K'sedel." he said. It would give her a chance to
calm down before her new job.

She shook her head. No, there wouldn't be. She had made her point
during the meeting. She had to act like an adult, and they had all
agreed with her. And it wasn't like they weren't going to see her
again. It would just be...lonely. "I'll be okay." She finally smiled
at his next suggestion. "Thank you. I'll be here tomorrow then."

"I'll see you bright and early," he said.

Last updated on the August 13th 2016

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Consequences and Regrets Pt 3