Consequences and Regrets Pt 2

Writers: Avery, Miriah
Date Posted: 5th August 2016

Characters: Lanniya, A'kades
Description: A'kades talks with Lanniya about what she did, and is more sympathetic than expected.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 5, day 20 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: K'sedel, Rhosyn, Lenala, K'ran; Pt 2 of 3

Lanniya

He frowned, his face drawing into unhappy lines. He was beginning to
suspect the failures in her training lay more with the other
goldriders. That should have been relieving since it took some of the
cause off of him, but he found it irritating since it meant that he
had to have a talk with the goldriders. Selfishly, he found himself
hoping it was more Rhosyn's fault than Lenala's.

"Do you _want_ to learn those duties? Eventually, you'll have to, and
if you don't work on the other ones you'll be stuck with the hidework
forever," he warned.

"I have to, don't I? I mean, eventually?" She paused to think about
the recent meeting with the leadership of the Weyr after she returned
and frowned. "I guess K'ran will have to teach the diplomacy part. He
seems good at it."

A'kades had not been at the meeting but he'd heard rumors about there
being strong tensions. "You'll have to learn some from the
queenriders, but it wouldn't hurt to speak more to him if you're more
comfortable," he suggested.

He took another sip from his drink and decided to make hos position
clear. "I'm sure they told you going back to being under the
weyrlingmaster's supervision was a punishment, and it is intended to
be. You did something foolish and reckless and could have gotten
several lives killed, and that's not something that can be ignored.
You need to be trained better so you don't do it again."

Then he waited for a beat before speaking again. "But working with us
will teach you a little more about the queenrider's duties, and make
you better prepared for those. Especially if you are not getting
instruction from the current ones."

Lanniya's face grew stubborn, her chin lifting just a little. "Every
thinks it was foolish and reckless, but I'm not sorry I did it. I'm
sorry that I worried everyone and that Anaeryth got hurt, but I'm not
sorry for saving my parents. I never will be."

A'kades took a deep breath, considering how best to respond. There
were several problems with her statement, but how could he make her
see that?

"No one is denying the fact that your parents being alive is a good
thing, Lanniya. And that they're alive because of you. But it's easy
to think you did the right thing because everything worked out almost
perfectly," he began. "I imagine you're sitting there thinking "I
saved them and I didn't die, so why does everyone think it's a
problem", is that right?"

She gave a quick nod. "I'm not stupid. I studied and you know how much
I hate doing that, but I knew I had to so I didn't mess anything up. I
worked hard to make sure that I would be in the right place and time
and even came up with a story to tell people. And we made it back!"
She shifted. "Anaeryth and I were tired or we would have come back on
time and no one would have known anything!"

"We're focused on all that could have happened if you hadn't done it
right. You made the decision to go back and alter time and that you
didn't tell anyone that's upsetting everyone. People think you can't
be trusted anymore because you just _do_ things, unwise things, things
that could have many far-ranging consequences for the weyr. And we
would have known something once your parents came back," he said.

"But it didn't go wrong." She argued. "And I couldn't tell anyone
because they wouldn't have let me and I had to do it." Her lower lip
thrust out a little, and she gave a huff. "I'm not going to do it
again. There's no reason to. It was just for them. Why doesn't anyone
get that?"

Her last words sounded a mix of plaintive and annoyed, and A'kades
found himself wondering what in Faranth's name had gone on at that
meeting.

"You're right. No one would have let you, because you're not supposed
to alter time. Maybe we're in the best-case outcome for what you did.
That it turns out what you did was self-contained and all that changed
is Anaeryth is hurt and your parents are alive.

"But that could have been different. Anaeryth could have been killed
by the storm, and you drowned and so did your parents. Or maybe they
caught some infection before the storm, spread it to the weyrfolk, and
some of us die. Maybe one of them talks about what happens, everyone
else figures out you can change times, and they try it. And maybe one
of those people goes /between/ forever because they didn't consider it
as well as you did. And now there's a dead pair who emulated you,
because your actions gave them a glimpse of the possible." His words
were dire because he was trying to bring the point home to her.

"You're stuck on the point that nothing had gone wrong, so it was
okay for you to do that, because now your parents are alive. But as a
ranking rider in this weyr, your job is thinking about what did go
wrong, or what could have gone wrong, and planning for that instead.
And sometimes that means you can't do a thing you desperately want to
do, something that would benefit you personally, because it exposes
unacceptable risks to the Weyr and to other people," he said to her.

"I don't expect to change your mind on the issue. You probably see us
as unfair monsters who wish your parents were dead. But could you try
to think about why it was a bad call, from any other point of view? If
you have to imagine it as "what if someone else had done it", like
your sister, and it had gone wrong? That's the kind of perspective
you'll need as a goldrider, even when you hate it."

It was a surprisingly long speech for the Weyrlingmaster's Second, but
he thought it was one that needed to be made. He just hoped it sank
in. If not now, then eventually.

Lanniya's arms crossed, but she seemed to shrink a little at his
words. She chewed on her lower lip, She didn't see why she had to
wonder about the what-ifs if nothing like that happened. And it wasn't
like she was planning to do anything like that again. No one
understood what it was like, those five turns without her parents and
sister, thinking of them as dead and all of the grief she watched her
family go through. And Pierka, Pierka deserved to know her parents and
to have some memory of them, even if it was just what she had from now
and nothing from the past. It wasn't just for herself, it was for them
too!

Her lips twisted as she tried to digest what he was saying. Maybe
someone else wouldn't do all the studying she had done and they would
mess it up. But that wouldn't be her fault, would it? But, she paused,
if they'd done it because of her, it would be her fault. "But..." Her
voice trailed off to a whisper. "I had to try. I couldn't do nothing
if there was a chance..."

Last updated on the August 13th 2016

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Consequences and Regrets Pt 2