A Shell on the Beach (final): We're Goingto Fix This

Writers: Eimi, Bree
Date Posted: 12th February 2006

Characters: Renner, Zanie
Description: A broken Renner faces Zanie
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 10, day 4 of Turn 3

Zanie had come prepared to deal with any number of reasons for why she couldn't visit with Renner. What she hadn't expected was the healer's easy agreement that he wouldn't mind stepping out to find something to eat if Zanie would sit with him. It seemed too easy. Zanie was still ready for a fight, but when she saw Renner stretched out on the bed, pale and bandaged, guilt nearly strangled her. She took a faltering step that turned into another, and then she was at the side of his bed, her fingers framing his face as she looked down at him. "Renner?" She didn't know if she wanted to cry with relief or slap him when his eyes opened. Maybe both.

"Zanie?" he whispered as his heavy eyes opened slowly. They contained a spark of doubt as he looked up into the young woman's face. It was like a dream. Part of him feared that her face was just another shadow of sleep. "Zanie? Did you come?"

"Renner!" Her fingers tightened, but she didn't care if she bruised him.
She wasn't letting go. _Ever_. "How could you _do_ that to yourself? Why did you do it, Renner? Why?" He blinked, his eyes burning with tears. His voice was contrained as he whispered, "I was afraid you wouldn't come..."

She could have choked on the guilt. Releasing his face, she slid carefully onto the bed next to him and wrapped her arms around him. "You stupid, stupid man. Of course I'd come." "Zanie, I didn't mean to do it. I didn't want to die," Renner whispered, turning his head to lean against her shoulder, tears running freely. Tears of relief, and guilt, and self-loathing.

Her arms tightened around him as she cradled his face against her shoulder, one hand sliding into his hair. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, Renner. I promise." And his vulnerability struck something deep inside her. The thought that he'd been so upset about their fight that he'd done something like this... logically she couldn't comprehend the idea that she could be _that_ important to him. But if she was...
well, it changed _everything_.

Her comforting presence was warm and familiar, not cold or pitying or fearful like the looks he had been getting from others. They just couldn't understand him. Zanie couldn't either, but if she would come back after the fight they had, he knew she at least cared. That very fact alone was enough to give him the freedom to cry like his body had demanded to cry, and to be comforted the way he desperately needed to be comforted.

"Shhh... it's going to be all right. I'm going to stay with you." She whispered the same words over and over, dropping gentle kisses on his head and letting her hand rub his shoulders soothingly. Finally the sobs began to subside to just shuddering breathes, and he burried his head even closer to Zanie's body, one bandaged arm reaching over her. "I'm... so... so sorry..." "Promise me, Renner." She forced him to look up at her, the hand on his face gentle but firm. "Promise me you won't do this again."

Renner tentatively met her eye. He could only nod, not trusting himself to speak. To be honest, he wasn't sure he could keep that promise. It had all happened so fast. He didn't even really think about it, he just did it. What if he _did_ do it again? And next time there was no one to hear him? But he would try. He had to believe that he could try.

She didn't look convinced. "Renner... I'm not letting you go anywhere.
I'll move into your room and watch you every minute if I have to." And she certainly wouldn't fight with him again... not the way they had before. He shook his head and dropped his eyes. "I think they will send me away, Zanie."

She tightened her arms around him. "Then I'll go with you." After she said the words, she bit her lip, wondering if she'd said something from guilt that she'd regret in the morning. But she could hardly take it back now.

"It wouldn't be the kind of place anyone could follow me to," he said with a sad smile.

"Why?" she asked, suddenly uncertain. Where _would_ they send him? "They're talking about sending me to a special mindhealer Hall. I don't know what they will do to me there, but they say it will help." It had been hard enough for him to open up to the mindhealer they were sending him to before. He was doubtful that even a whole Hall full of them could help. But he had to do _something_. Somehow, it all had to end.

"Well, they can just try and stop me." She smiled at him and smoothed his hair back. "I know dragonriders, after all. There's no place on Pern you can hide from me, Renner."

"I don't want to hide from you, Zanie," he whispered. "I don't want to go. But they say it will be good for me."

"I'm so sorry I upset you, Renner." Her voice was quiet and thick with guilt. "I didn't mean to hurt you. If I'd known... I never would have left."

"No, he said with an emphatic shake of his head. "No, Zanie, this was all my fault... all _my_fault..."

"I fought with you," she insisted. "I yelled at you and I stormed off and I--" And she'd spent the night blissfully oblivious to Renner and any problems he might have had, curled around D'cal. As if the guilt could get any worse! "I didn't want to fight you Zanie. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it," he moaned as a new wave of self-loathing washed over him. It was his fault. All of it. And now he would be sent away. That was his punishment. It was better for everyone if he was out of the Hall... out of their lives...

Zanie caught his face between both hands, leaning over him. "Hush, Renner. Be quiet now. We're going to fix this, and you know better than to disagree with me. I'm always right." That brought a slight laugh out of him. He nodded, forcing himself to believe that she was right. She had to be right.

Last updated on the February 13th 2006

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A Shell on the Beach (final): We're Goingto Fix This