Share funny emails here or get 1,000,000,001 years bad luck!

[PastMember]

Nine Months Later




Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.


"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."



"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."



The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.



About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.



It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.



He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from....."



"Yes, I do."



"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"



"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. I have to admit that I did."



"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"



Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"



"She just died and left me everything."



And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!

[PastMember]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. Auto makers for the past 5 years,whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal accidents the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
 
They were surprised to find that in 42 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh ****!"
 
Only in the Aroostook County area of Maine, specifically Caribou, Presque Isle,Fort Kent , Madawaska, Houlton, Mars Hill, Van Buren, Clayton Lake , and the entire northwestern area including Rangeley, Greenville, and Eustis were the driver's last words different.
 
In those locations, 89.3 percent of the driver's final words were:
"Hold my beer, I'm gonna try something"

[PastMember]

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*

9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

! 15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~! *~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?


24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?