Desperate Dreams

Writers: Curious, Miriah
Date Posted: 4th December 2020

Characters: Karhal, K'aur
Description: When Karhal catches Kesricaur pacing in the courtyard, a conversation ensues and a promise is made.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 7, day 4 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Zelanka
Mentor Approved

Karhal

The early light of rukbat spilled out over Amber Hills Hold. It made Kesricaur squint as he stepped out of the Hold proper. He lifted a hand to shade his eyes, an irritated huff leaving his lips. Ah, the consequences of waking early. The light reminded him of the dull ache behind his eyes, the urge to turn around and go back to bed, even if only for a few more minutes. It made him hesitate for a moment - and only a moment. Then he pushed on and proceeded with one of his "favorite" pastimes: restless pacing in the courtyard.

Grey eyes watched the familiar shape of the drudge moving back and
forth along the stone of the courtyard. It was becoming a habit of the
young man's and Karhal was rapidly becoming used to his presence in
the early morning. He usually ignored it; he was usually far too busy
to take more than a cursory notice of the activity. He knew who it
was; everyone knew of the young man and his family.

Karhal felt a brief moment of sympathy for the boy. It couldn't have
been easy for him and sometimes, he could forgive his attitudes and
behavior, especially when faced with the more sharp-tongued words from
his peers. His mother, however poor her decisions might have been in
her youth, had proved herself; it seemed Kesricaur was having
difficulties doing the same. Karhal pushed himself away from the
wall, stepping away from the shadows of the morning. "Does it help
whatever seems to be on your mind? The pacing?"

Kesricaur jumped at the unexpected approach. He swiftly turned around
to see the guard captain, and in the process, stumbled face-forward
into a wall of solid humiliation. "Ah," he mumbled under his breath.
Then he straightened up and ran a hand through his hair, as if he
hadn't flinched like a nerve-wracked wherry. Wait, was he supposed to
be saluting? He paused with his hand partway through his hair and let
it linger there for a moment before lowering it. No, Karhal had been
the one who approached him and started talking, so it should be okay.
Probably. Maybe. (It wasn't like /not/ doing it would make things much
worse.)

"Not really," Kesricaur admitted. "I just need to be out here."

Karhal's pale brow arched, studying the young man. "You're as nervous
as a light-blinded watch wher." His lips quirked, if only a little.
"You must feel the need to be out here a lot. Seems like you're
waiting for something. What might that be, I wonder?"

"Yeah, well." Kesricaur pursed his lips as he considered whether or
not to give a solid answer. Coming across as a fool with his head in
the clouds didn't exactly sound pleasant. Then again, even if Kaharl
thought he was foolish for the time being, he /wouldn't/ once he
Impressed. Kesricaur set his shoulders and looked the guard captain in
the eyes. "I can't get searched if I'm not around when a searchrider
shows up, and that's a lot easier if I see the dragons coming."

Karhal's brows rose at the answer. "Ah. I see." He nodded slowly. So
many young people, especially among the drudges, dreamed of being
spirited away by a dragon to a new life at the Weyr, but most were
disappointed. "Well, there are eggs on the Sands, but I think the
Searchriders have come and gone already. They typically announce when
they're on Search. You may have missed it, lad. Other than that, the
odd watchrider might Search you if it's a blue or green. But it's not
common."

"That's just more reason to keep an eye out," Kesricaur shot back. "It
might not be common, but the more often I'm around, the more likely it
becomes." He hesitated. Oh, it _burned_ to think of his next words,
but acknowledging the (impossible) possibility that he wouldn't be
searched by a searchdragon would probably increase his chances of
being taken seriously. That was worth getting a little scorched. "And
even if it doesn't happen, there's still the next hatching. Or the one
after that."

**He's determined, I'll give him that much.** Karhal felt a hint of
amusement flicker across his mouth, but only for a moment. "Aye,
that's true. It could. But Zelanka will have your hide for loitering
out here and avoiding your assigned duties. I'd hate to have to be the
one hauling you to her when she can't find you." He sighed. "Look,
typically I'm alerted when a Searchrider is here." Loella certainly
knew every single time; it was like she went on edge the moment it
happened. "If you're that determined to have one look over you, I'll
make sure you're sent for the next time one comes." He hoped the boy
could handle the likely disappointment; he'd seen hopefuls turned away
far too often. "But for now, pacing the courtyard isn't going to do
much for you."

Kesricaur grinned. It was a smug expression that came within a stone's
throw of being a smirk. His mouth began to open to point out that the
guard captain didn't absolutely _have_ to tell the Headwoman about his
loitering. A request wrapped in a confident assurance; the ideal way
to beg for mercy whilst saving face. (Besides, he didn't think he had
any duties yet today, and when Zelanka didn't know wouldn't hurt her.)
However, before a single word could leave his tongue Karhal was saying
something else. _An offer_.

The drudge's lips twisted into a heavy frown the instant he snapped
his mouth shut. He gazed at Karhal intensely, appraising. After a long
moment that felt too short, he slowly asked, "you mean that?"

"Kesricaur, you've not had much dealing with me and that's honestly to
your benefit." Karhal began slowly. He hadn't missed the smug smile
that spread on the young man's face, nor did he discount the frown;
the lad was distrusting of anyone, but Karhal couldn't entirely blame
him, all things considered. "But I don't make idle or casual promises.
Not to anyone. I meant what I say. You and yours haven't had it easy
and there's not much that can be done about it. But, I happen to like
your mother. For all that's happened with her, she's proven herself in
my opinion. It won't hurt to help her family out if I can."

Kesricaur blinked. Once, twice, thrice. Once he had finally, actually
absorbed what Karhal had said, he... Well, he felt like he should
smile. What he had just said definitely warranted it. At the same
time, a somber weight in the back of his throat prevented him from
doing so. He swallowed, but the knot of emotions refused to move.

**Say something,** he hissed to himself. **Don't just stand there
staring like a sap!**

Part of him feared that it would feel like his vertebrae had magically
fused together, but when Kesricaur pushed himself to nod, the movement
came easily. "Thank you," he said. "I- that means a lot. I - we -
really appreciate it."

**Still being a sap.** Still, he only felt a _little_ embarrassed
about it. This felt like a situation that warranted a little
sappiness. Just... Not for too long. Clearing his throat, Kesricaur
added, "I'm guessing you'd like me to make myself useful in return,
then?"

"You're welcome." Karhal's shoulder twitched in a minute shrug. He was
passably certain that the boy would be disappointed, but he couldn't
deny him the chance to at least try his luck. But the next question
brought his attention back sharply. "As a payment?" His lip curled a
hint of amusement. "No. Just do what you're supposed to be doing. Do
your duty to the Hold and your family no matter what the Search dragon
says."

**Don't know what the Hold's done for my family for us to have a
_duty_ to it,** Kesricaur thought. The words simmered beneath his
skin, and on another occasion, he might have allowed them to slither
past his lips, soft yet alive with bitterness and wrath. But not this
time. Not when someone was actually a _favor_. This time, he chose to
focus on his duty to his family. He focused on the thought of it, and
when he nodded, the gesture was an honest one.

"Alright," he said. "I'll get going, then." He turned to approach the
Hold proper. However, he only took a few steps before he paused and
looked over his shoulder at Karhal, a broad grin on his face. "It
won't be for long though. Next time I meet a searchdragon, it's going
to say "come with me". You'll see."

"We'll see." Karhal inclined his head. Perhaps he would be wrong, but
he hoped for the young man's sake and dreams of a better future, that
a Searchrider might choose him.

Last updated on the December 7th 2020

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Desperate Dreams