Uncivilized

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 31st January 2006

Characters: Carmora, Almonteo
Description: Carmora and Almonteo finally talk, and Carmora admits that she doesn't like being at the Weyr.
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 9, day 27 of Turn 3

Almonteo

Carmora waited until her husband's breathing evened out before she crept from the sleeping chamber, a blanket tucked tightly against her chest. Her husband was stretched out on his couch, where he'd been every night since their fight. She'd tried to think of some way to bridge the gap between them, but there were too many words between them now, and she didn't know how to take back the ones she'd said.

Still, she couldn't just let him go to sleep without making sure he was tucked in. So she moved as quietly as possible to his side, tucking the blanket around him as carefully as possible.

Almonteo was aware of his wife's presence as she leaned over him. Every night she would come out and check on him before she could sleep. He knew she did this. She had always done that. It was one of the reasons he slept on the couch so willingly - because he knew that it hurt her as much as it did him. It was never because she had lost her love for him. She just wasn't ready to forgive him yet.

But this time he could see in her eyes that there was something deeper hurting her. He wished she would come to him and just _say_ what it was she wanted to say. But she kept it inside, seething and festering. It was becoming unbearable for him to watch. As she tucked the blanket around him, his fingers slipped up to grasp her hand in his. "Carmora," he whispered, his eyes still closed. "Won't you talk to me?"

She jumped when his fingers closed around her hand, her breath leaving her in a startled gasp. "You're awake?" she asked foolishly, ignoring his actual question.

"Mmhmm," he said as his eyes opened to look up into hers in the dim light.
"I can't sleep well when I worry about you."

Much to her horror, Carmora found herself on the verge of tears. "I don't even know what's wrong."

Almonteo slowly sat up, a process which was not nearly as smooth a movement as it once had been and reached up to his wife. "Come here, my love. Let me hold you a while."

She collapsed onto the couch next to him, pressing herself into his side with gratitude she couldn't quite bring herself to express. Not yet. "I don't know where to start." He wrapped his long arms around her. Just the fact that she would let him hold her was a good enough start in his mind. "I've missed you, you know."

He'd spoken the words first, and it made it easier for her. "I've missed you, too. I don't think I've slept well since..." "I know, me too," he whispered as he tucked her head under his chin. "Of course, it's always hard getting used to a new couch." His teasing tone was mixed with one of relief. They would be okay again.

But Carmora didn't laugh at his joke the way she usually would. She lifted her head, pulling back so she could meet his eyes. "It's not just missing you, Almonteo... I don't think I've ever been so lonely in my entire life." The smile left his face and concern filled his eyes. Their conversation had turned very serious, indeed. "How's that, love?"

The tears were back, and this time she couldn't fight them. "This place..."
**I hate it.** But she couldn't say that, so she swallowed the words. "It's so strange... and everyone and everything I know is gone. And you're so busy..." "Oh love." He kissed the top of her head gently, his own heart aching for hers. Shards, why hadn't he seen it coming. "I know it's... a lot of changes. And I know I have been busy. But things are settling down now. I have more time..."

His sympathy brought all of her carefully constructed walls crashing down.
She'd spent so much time trying to pretend that everything was fine that she hadn't even realized how deep her loneliness had grown. "I didn't want to make it harder for you... Arteo reminded me before we came here how much you already have to deal with. But I don't know how to make friends with these people! The things they do... I can't help but think it's immoral!" Almonteo was quiet a long moment, running his fingers through her hair.
"Sometimes it's hard for me too. When I see two men holding hands. Or when I notice a couple doing, well, things that used to make you blush when we were in private," he touched his nose to hers teasingly.

His expression soon turned serious again. "Sometimes I wonder at how they can be so... uncivilized. Then I remember that our Almora is part of that lifestyle now. She is probably doing things that you and I would be shocked to think of. But I know our daughter, love. She is strong, intelligent, loving and kind-hearted. Can I think of her as immoral or uncivilized? No.
She is a good person, and I am proud of her. And I have to believe that, behind the strange ways, there are good people here, too."

Carmora sighed, resting her face against his chest. "I'm trying. I promise I'm trying..." "Carmora, look at me." He tipped her head back so she could look into his eyes. "If you know you cannot be happy here, then tell me. I would rather be Hallsecond than live like we have been these last days."

She had never wanted anything in her life like she wanted to say yes. To beg him to take her back to her home where she could be with her friends and live in her rooms and not feel so alone. But she couldn't. Almonteo had worked his entire life to earn the honor he'd been given, and she couldn't take it away from him. Not without trying her hardest to make it work. "I'd be a lot happier here if I didn't have to sleep by myself," she managed, her voice trembling slightly. She reached up to cup his face in her hands, meeting his eyes. "I don't know if I can be happy, husband. But if you promise me that I won't have to spend as many evenings alone now that things have settled down... I'm willing to try." "I promise." He took her face in his hands and sealed his vow with a long, deep kiss. And Almonteo hoped that it would work. He wished for her to be happy. But he _knew_ none of it would be worth it if he could not have her to come home to.

Last updated on the February 1st 2006

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Uncivilized