I guess technically this might belong in LOA or something, but most of all it's me wanting to share something very profound that has happened to me. Sharing it with you guys feels really good, because it's something you have all helped me so much with, without any of us even knowing. So, I hope you'll all feel a little of my relief and joy and know you contributed to it.
It starts with a little darkness actually, as a few weeks back I literally collapsed from exhaustion. It felt like all the horrible things that have been happening to my loved ones and myself for the past couple of years, all the stress at my job, it all finally caught up with me and I was left totally empty and void of energy. Burn-out, I was told.
But then my therapist noticed something as I was talking. I almost literally saw the light-bulb go on over his head. He started asking more questions and a week later I was back with my mum for a very (very!) long survey. The test came out 'positive', said I might have - like my therapist expected - ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). The only way to know for sure if that was indeed the case, was to try medication. So I tried it. And man, did I get the shock of my life! The feeling I have been struggling with all my life - the feeling that something is terribly wrong, that I'm missing something, that I should be on guard - it vanished. The tornado of thoughts in my head eased into quiet. And most of all, I felt actually present in my life again, instead of always being on the sidelines, caught up in the thoughts in my head.
So, while it does not 'cure' the burn-out, while it can't make the bad stuff in the past years un-happen, I actually feel able to handle it now. I can better understand certain struggles I've had, accept them and myself more and put everything back in order. It will be awhile before I'll have my energy restored, but now I can learn how not to deplete it so much again.
And this is where I want to thank you guys. For most of my life I have always given up on hobbies, because I didn't feel capable or interested anymore, or because I just didn't have the energy to keep up. I know why now. But writing always stuck. And that is because of all of you guys. When I couldn't conjure up the mental energy to write, you always remained patient and understanding. And whenever I came back from a few days, few weeks or once even months-long LOA, you welcomed me with open arms. You guys never made me feel like a quitter. You accepted me for who I am. And that is a sometimes flaky person. I now know why I'm this way and that it doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm so glad you all saw it way before me.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to check the forums very frequently, so if you'd like to get in touch send me and e-mail. I will be back to writing as soon as I can handle it, trust me on that :)
It's amazing when there's finally a name for what's been going on with you, and a way of making it better even if it doesn't fix it completely. I'm glad to hear that the diagnosis and meds are helping you out.
You're not a quitter, you're a good friend and writer, and I'm so glad you're still here.
Wow, that's pretty amazing. I'm glad you got sorted. It's good when you get a doctor who know what they're doing.
(BIG hugs) You're too nice for us to give up on. Isn't that lightbulb moment when everything finally makes sense wonderful? I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope you can continue to do so.
And yes, soon I'll send you an e-mail. :-)
I'm so glad you're getting good treatment!
*hugs* Good thing you're getting the right help now. Having a name for it does help, doesn't it? Like with my daughter's dyslexia. I already knew it was that but hearing the school psychologist say it was relief: she's not stupid, she just learns differently. She also said my daughter was socially and verbally very skilled and advanced for her age. And Jelena, we're rooting for you, Always here for you.
*hugs* So glad to hear! Names are powerful things. Thanks so much for thinking of us!
yAY!!!!!!!!! Also I have been meaning to send you an email. Guh. On my list of to do. Will get it done one of these days promises
I understand the struggle - I have severe ADHD myself. I'm glad you've found something that works to help you!
Thanks everyone for all your kind words and encouragement :) I made it to 2016! Over the past few weeks I've had the wonderful experience of peace and quiet in my head. Being able to 'hear' my own 'voice' after 26 years of chaos and figure out what /I/ think about stuff, where /I/ want to be in life is a truly liberating experience. I will slowly be starting up some posts with Genna, to ease back into things, so if you have a wonderful idea or need her for something, send me an e-mail!
It so great to hear that something has been able to make such a positive difference in your life.
I am so glad to hear this my dear!! Sometimes our minds are a mystery even to ourselves. I hope you find 2016 better than any previous year!
Hugs.