Since the Wish thread is such fun I thought that an advice thread might do fairly well. Here is the object of this thread. Someone asks for advice and you then give it to them but it is very bad advice. You then post your own question.
Note: None of the advice is to be followed... if you do follow the advice you are solely responsible for the results... plus you should really be sedated.
How do I keep my skin from drying out in the winter?
Jump in the nearest lake once a day.
How can I win the lottery?
Rig the game, win the money, end up in prison when they figure it out.
How do I keep the cat hair off the furniture?
Shave the cat hairless.
(never mind the scratces you will get or the police the neighbours called because of the noise or the animal right-defenders....)
:lol:
How can I get rid of blueberry-juice stains on carpet?
Die the carpet. Nevermind the mess. or the fact that everyone's feet have turned blue form walking on it.
How do I get my daughter to listen?
repeat yourself ever five seconds
how do I get an A in English
Bribe the instructor. Nevermind that it is illegial!
How do I turn coal into gold?
Spray paint it gold, never mind the noxious fumes from the paint and if some one lit a match near by you'd explode!
How can I get my brothers to respect me?
Jump out of a plane! Too you didn't think of a parachute!
How do I find the perfect man?
(This should be funny!)
Start with clay. Mold into a pleasing form. Bake. Paint. Perform obscure magical rites to animate your man. Ooops...you forgot intelligence...
How do I get the dogs to stop barking?
use a dog wistle. (then get ready to run)
how do i get my ex to stop calling me?
Hire a hit man!
How do I get a digital camera for free?
Hide one under you coat next time you are at Wal-Mart! (I am not responsible when you get caught shop lifting though!)
How do I fix my broken computer?
Unplug the computer. Take it to a high, high tower. Lean over the railing and drop. Go to Best Buy and get a new one!
How do I get my roomie to stop watching such annoying TV shows?
Rip out their eyes.... sorry that's kinda harsh
How do I get rid of my belly fat?
Build a machine that will transport it to another dimension.
How can I get annoying guys to stop calling?
Rewire your answering machine to transfer calls to someone else's phone.
How do I get my sister to stop annoying me?
Tie her to a chair and gag her. Though that might be a wee bit abusive...
How do I get the estranged husband to get all his stuff out of my apartment?
Stalk him until he does.
How do I get my cat to stop bringing home small animals?
Lock them in the bathroom until they are too old to hunt.
How do I find a a book that is no longer in print?
Invent a time machine and go back to when it was in print and buy a copy.
How do I get my roomies to put stuff where I can find it?